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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22625863">Sanders Sides (mostly ships) OneShots</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Super_Fangirl4TheWin/pseuds/Super_Fangirl4TheWin'>Super_Fangirl4TheWin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Sanderssides - Freeform, challenge, instagramchallenge, oneshots, sanderssidesoneshots, sanderssidesships, shiponeshots, ships, valentineschallenge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 09:02:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,319</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22625863</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Super_Fangirl4TheWin/pseuds/Super_Fangirl4TheWin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hey kiddos! ~<br/>(Warning at the bottom of summary, please read it)<br/>This is just a book to place all my one shots I'm writing for a Sanders Sides February Valentines challenge.<br/>The challenge is for art or writing and since I can write quicker than I can draw I've decided to do writing.<br/>One shot ideas and writing is MINE. Characters belong to Thomas Sanders on YouTube and Instagram. If you want to check out any of my Sanders Sides art, check out my Instagram<br/>@ arty_wolfgirl<br/>Enjoy this book guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! Hehe :3</p><p>QUICK WARNING: This story does NOT have SMUT in it but it DOES have heavy kissing scenes and IMPLIED sexual acts in at least one story. There is also a chapter that is heavy ANGST and has mentions of SELF HARM (and MAYBE in other chapters I've yet to write), so even though I don't try to go into too much heavy feelings this might be slightly triggering.<br/>I didn't want to rate this Mature since it isn't that bad, so I'll just add warnings at the beginnings of oneshots if this stuff bothers you and you can just skip those oneshots. Hope you still enjoy reading!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil &amp; Creativity | Roman &amp; Logic | Logan &amp; Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Sleep | Remy Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders &amp; Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders &amp; Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani &amp; Sleep | Remy Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders &amp; Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Roman X Virgil</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Roman admits his feelings to Virgil</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No warnings, perfectly safe to read!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ROMAN'S POV<br/>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Roman stood at the door nervously, hand raised as if to knock on the door but hesitation stopping him from knocking.</p><p>   'I can do this,' he reminded himself, 'it's just Virgil. He shouldn't react too badly.'</p><p>Despite his thought, he couldn't help but think asking out Virgil was a bad idea. Just minutes ago he had all the self confidence he usually did, eager to ask the other Side out. </p><p>The more he thought about it and stood there hesitating, the more he realised the answer would likely be a no. This was Virgil he was talking about. The quiet, snarky, emo guy whom Roman had always thought hated him. Plus, Roman was the complete opposite. Bold, outgoing, and dramatic. Though the idea of opposites attracting was what had given Roman hope in the first place, all the thoughts swirling around in his brain made him slowly start lowering his hand from the door. </p><p>Eventually, he sighed, giving up and turning around to walk back to his room defeated. Roman had barely taken a step, however, when the door opened behind him and a suddenly very confused Virgil stood in the doorway. </p><p>   "Uh, hey, Roman? Care to explain why you're standing outside my door?"</p><p>Roman plastered a smile on his face, hiding the defeated look he had wore only moments ago.<br/>
"Hello, Virgil! Is there any reason why you're leaving your room? Aren't you usually asleep at this time?"<br/>
Despite knowing that Virgil was usually asleep at this time, Roman had previously figured out that Virgil was awake since he had been helping Thomas out with Logan and Patton, hence the sudden idea to ask him out now.</p><p>Virgil raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms.<br/>
"You know when I'm usually asleep yet you're here right now as if you had a purpose and knew I would answer the door? Isn't that a bit suspicious?" Roman opened his mouth to speak but Virgil continued. "Anyways, I was headed out to go borrow a few movies from Patton..." he eyed Roman's hand that hadn't been ready to knock and was instead half behind his back. "Why are you holding a rose?"</p><p>Roman jumped in surprise, quickly hiding the rose he had forgot he had been trying to hide behind his back. Cursing how hot his cheeks felt, he smiled again, trying to play off his surprise.<br/>
"Oh? No reason in particular. Just bought one because I was off to try and woo some guy. Just decided to stop by here first."</p><p>   "Roman, we're literally parts of Thomas's mind. You can't go off and try and make a guy fall in love with you or something..."</p><p>Roman's smile dissipated slowly as Virgil looked down, purple bangs falling in front of his eyes, and shifted uncomfortably. There was a slight blush on Virgil's cheeks as he spoke.</p><p>   "It's for me, isn't it?" At a lack of a response, Virgil sighed. "You don't have to lie, Princey. I can see it on your face."<br/>
There was an awkward silence before Virgil looked up at Roman.<br/>
"Well?"<br/>
Virgil's face held an expectant look that Roman didn't understand.<br/>
"Well what?"</p><p>Chuckling slightly, Virgil smirked.<br/>
"If the rose is for me, aren't you going to give it to me?"</p><p>   "Oh... well, I didn't think you'd want it." Eyes widened in surprise at Virgil's sudden change from embarrassed to amused, Roman brought forwards the rose, carefully handing it to Virgil.<br/>
"Careful of the thorns."</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>
VIRGIL'S POV<br/>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Virgil rolled his eyes as he admired the dark red petals of the beautiful rose, careful of the thorns that littered the stem. He gave Roman credit at picking a darker rose rather than a bright red or pink one.<br/>
"I know to be careful of thorns, Roman. Common sense. You seem to care an awful lot about my well-being."<br/>
"Well of course I do! I... uhh..."<br/>
"You like me?" Virgil was just teasing Roman at this point, but his attention was now focused on Roman rather than the rose. He couldn't help by smile at the effort Roman was making for Virgil and how out of character Roman was appearing. </p><p>If Virgil had to admit, Roman was rather good looking, despite them all technically being the same person, and his personality had certainly grown on Virgil. Noticing he had spent the time after his question staring at Roman, he hid his face again and raised his eyebrow.<br/>
"Well?" He asked for the second time that conversation. </p><p>Roman rubbed his neck nervously. "Yes? I suppose I do. Of course, if it's a problem, I can always leave and forget this ever happened and Logan and Patton never have to know and---"<br/>
He suddenly stopped as Virgil reached forwards and grabbed his hand, Virgil blushing at his own sudden act.</p><p>   "Stop, Roman. It's... It's not a problem. Maybe we don't tell Patton and Logan for now but... don't leave? I have been rather lonely in here by myself..."<br/>
Roman laughed, startling Virgil, and tried hiding the fact he was furiously blushing. </p><p>   "Are you inviting me in, Emo Boy?"</p><p>Virgil scowled, lightly punching Roman's arm with the hand that wasn't been used to hold Romans'.<br/>
"Yes, but there's no need to tease me for it, Princey."</p><p>Roman's eyes lit up and he clapped his in excitement, Virgil silently cursing his disappointment at how Roman stopped holding his hand.<br/>
"Can we watch Disney movies? Do you have snacks? This went better than I thought but I'm so happy you are being kind about this and loved the rose. Wait, you did love the rose, right?"</p><p>Virgil chuckled at Roman's antics, moving aside so Roman could walk into his room.<br/>
"Woah, calm down. Yes I loved the rose, yes I have snacks, and yes I would enjoy watching Disney movies with you so long as you don't try to argue the main points behind each movie like last time."<br/>
"I cannot guarantee that last point," Roman exclaimed, pointing his hand dramatically as Virgil shut the door, "but I can guarantee that you won't regret letting me love you."</p><p>Virgil froze as Roman walked forwards and gently grabbed his hand, placing a small kiss on it.<br/>
"I apologise if this is too forward or too much contact, but I am truly happy and thankful you've given me a chance at making you happy."<br/>
Virgil ducked his head in embarrassment, not moving his hand from Roman's gentle grasp.<br/>
"I... thank you, Roman."</p><p>Roman grinned, carefully letting go of Virgil's hand and rocking back and forth on his heels.<br/>
"So... how about you choose the first movie and I choose the second?"</p><p>Virgil smiled lightly, agreeing to the idea and watching amused as Roman walked around trying to figure out where Virgil's snacks and movies were and not getting help. Shaking his head lightly, he eventually walked over and helped Roman, already warming into the idea of being with Roman.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Remy X Emile</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remy and Emile meet online to go on a date :3</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No warnings for this chapter kiddos! Perfectly safe to read</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>EMILE'S POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>Emile shivered, walking into the small cafe and jumping slightly at the sound of the door closing. He tugged at the sleeves of his cream-coloured sweater as he eyed the cosy looking cafe. The room was surprising busy for a hot day, air conditioning working it's charm. The smell of coffee and freshly baked goods helped to ease Emile's nerves. </p>
<p>Spotting the man he was looking for, Emile slowly made his way over. Emile dodged people and moved between tables. The man was wearing a leather jacket despite the head, and had a pair of shades atop his head that threatened to fall over his eyes as his head was bowed down and eyes were looking at his phone. As Emile approached, the man looked up and locked eyes with him, smiling and motioning to the seat across from him at the small table.</p>
<p>Emile sat down, smiling through his nervousness. Holding out his hand, he introduced himself.<br/>   "Hello, I'm Emile Picani." He cursed how formal he sounded in his brain, hoping he didn;t fail the entire date. <br/>The man took his hand and shook it, his warm hand comforting, and raised an eyebrow.<br/>   "I already know your name from your profile but thanks for reminding me. I'm Remy as you should also know. Just your average sleep deprived, cartoon-loving gay man." <br/>Emile noticed how Remy recited what had been on his profile and what had originally captivated Emile's attention besides all the photos.</p>
<p>   "That sounds more interesting than it does average. I'm more the normal one. Just your average therapist."</p>
<p>   "Average?" Remy questioned, leaning forwards, his elbows on the table. "Your profile said 'Cartoon Therapist' and you're, dare I say, probably the only one of those which is rather enticing." </p>
<p>   "Enticing?" Emile questioned in response, curious and confused at the word used. </p>
<p>   "Enticing, interesting, original. You've got to remember that I love cartoons so the fact you use them to help people is amazing."</p>
<p>Blushing slightly, Emile looked down at the table.<br/>   "It's not that interesting. I just love helping people... And I love cartoons." He chuckled, hearing Remy do the same. <br/>   "Of course, who doesn't love cartoons?" Remy seemed to paused before he gently lifted Emile's chin, startling Emile. "And don't put yourself down, hon. You need to own your originality and passion. You are interesting and you are amazing for wanting to help people in your own way."<br/>Emile smiled, gazing at Remy's light blue eyes that now held a soft look to them.</p>
<p> It barely felt like a second had passed before Remy was leaning back and smirking with a playful look in his eyes. <br/>   "My face can't be that good looking to stare at."<br/>   "What...oh..." Emile's smile vanished and was replaced with a guilty look as he realised he had indeed been staring at Remy. His cheks felt red hot and he struggled to find the right words to say. "I uh... I mean... you do have a rather good looking face..." he grimaced at his words, cursing how he couldn't even come up with a good compliment and only sounded even more awkward. Remy laughed, placing his shades back on his head after they fell down onto his face and in front of his eyes. </p>
<p>   "Thank you for the compliment dearest Emile. Now," he clapped his hands, seemingly unaware of the blush Emile could see on his face, and continued, "how about we get something to drink and eat before talking again?"<br/>Nodding, Emile offered to pay and order, mentally noting what Remy wanted before walking to the counter to pay for the drinks and snacks. He waited next to the counter, hoping Remy didn't mind his waiting, before walking back. Remy was handed his iced Latte and croissant whilst Emile sat down with his hot chocolate and muffin. </p>
<p>   "So," Remy started, "adjusting the straw in his drink before drinking a bit, "You're mostly a therapist for couples, correct?"</p>
<p>   "Yeah, I am. I do sometimes have people come in by themselves but it's always about a relationship. Though I also work with non romantic relationships like parents and children and siblings."</p>
<p>   "I would have thought that someone working with relationships would, I don't know, be against finding dates on apps or online. Like the whole, finding love in real life, not knowing who you're talking to, etcetera."</p>
<p>Emile smiled, relishing in the sweet taste of the hot chocolate as he drank a bit before speaking. <br/>   "Not necessarily. I'll always have my doubts and I'll always warn people about the dangers of meeting people online, but sometimes I think it's easier for someone who isn't great socially and finds it hard to talk and meet people in real life. Like me."</p>
<p>   "Ah, interesting," Remy spoke. "Well, I'm glad you did decide to set up a profile because I'm enjoying your company a lot and I'd love to continue this another day."</p>
<p>Emile blushed, smiling. "I think I'd love to continue this  too."</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>After they finished their drinks and food and talked some more, the two of them both walked outside where the sweltering heat took over from the cafe's cool air conditioning. </p>
<p>   "So," Emile started, shifting as he tried to stand still. Despite the fact that their date was over, he couldn't help but smile at the thought of another date following up. </p>
<p>   "So," Remy copied. "We up for another date sometime soon?"</p>
<p>   "Of course! That would be great."</p>
<p>   "Great!" Remy clapped his hands together before checking his phone and putting it back in his pocket. "Well, I'd better get going so I can take a nap and get some rest before I binge watch Netflix till 3am. I'll see you later then!"</p>
<p>He seemed to hesitate before leaning forwards and placing a small kiss on Emile's lips and backing up. "Love ya!"</p>
<p>Emile watched, his cheeks growing hot, as Remy walked away. Turning around to go to his apartment, Emile could already tell that this relationship would last. He couldn't wait for the next date.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Virgil X Deceit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Deceit wants Virgil back; arguing ensues; all ends well</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No warnings, kiddos!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>VIRGIL'S POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Virgil stood up from his comfy sofa quickly, anger seeping through his veins at the question he just heard. </p><p>   "You want me to what now?!"</p><p>He stared at Deceit who had walked through the door into Virgil's room no more than a minute ago, asking to speak with him. <br/>Deceit, whom now stood less than a metre in from of Virgil, had a guilty and begging look on his face. A look that Virgil thought rather amusing, despite his current anger, for some one as cold as Deceit. Or, someone who appeared as cold and unemotional as Deceit. </p><p> </p><p>   "I want you," Deceit started, speaking slowly, "to come back to join the Dark Sides."  </p><p>   "You've got to be insane if you think I'm ever coming back. I'm perfectly fine where I am with Logan, Roman, and Patton. I don't need you anymore." Virgil spat his words out, trying to ignore the genuine hurt look that passed over Deceit's face before the look was replaced by a desperate anger. </p><p>   "I'm not the bad guy, Virgil. You're talking as if we're all evil. Bad. Cruel. But we aren't and you of all people should know that having been one of us." Pausing, Deceit sighed, and looked as if he were trying to calm himself. "Look, can you at least consider coming back? The other two are useless friends. I need you."</p><p>Virgil suddenly laughed, surprising even himself. He looked up at Deceit, taking a step closer. <br/>   "Since when did you ever need me? You were perfectly fine ignoring me and arguing with me and convincing me that I wasn't needed. I left because of you."</p><p>   "You left because you didn't enjoy our company enough and wanted new friends," Deceit spat, his composure shattering before he quickly regained his still and calm demeanor. </p><p>   "No. You're wrong Deceit. I left because you and the others left me out of things. I wanted to be friends with them but they excluded me and you let them  I tried to be nice but they ignored me and you let them. I tried to enjoy their company as much as you did but I couldn't and you didn't care." With every word he spoke, Virgil could see pain and guilt flash across Deceit's face as quick as lightning. And Virgil hadn't even spoken the worst parts yet. "You don't have a right to suddenly appear back, mess with my friends, try to mess with Thomas, and then ask for forgiveness and for me to come back."</p><p>   "V, I really am sorry I swear---"</p><p>   "You swear?" Virgil interrupted. "You promise? And how do I know you aren't lying? You represent literal lies and deceit! The amount of times you've lied to me and my friends makes it hard to believe you."</p><p>   "Well I'm being honest this time," Deceit spoke, taking a step closer to Virgil, leaving them close enough that Virgil could hear Deceit's breathing. "I really am. I know I hurt you and your friends, I know I let the other two hurt you, I know I don't have a right to mess things up and act like you don't matter." A breath was let out as Deceit paused to catch his breath. "As for Thomas, it's what I do. I'm his lying Side, I'm part of him, I don't have a choice. It's my job. And I understand now that you don't want to come back and that I don't have a right to ask for you to come back after how you were treated and left out. I really do. But can you at least please forgive me?"</p><p>Virgil shook his head slightly, a small chuckle escaping his mouth as his lips formed a small smirk. Ignoring the pleading look Deceit was either trying to hide or purposefully trying to let Virgil see, Virgil responded. <br/>   "You don't understand, Dee. I want to forgive you, truly. I've had plenty of time thinking and I would love to forgive you and... spend more time with you. I get that it's a part of who you are to act how you act regarding Thomas. But the other two?" Virgil turned around and sat down on the sofa in his room before turning to the un-moving Deceit. "What about them? Remus... he was never that bad. Messed up in the brain and bit and that was what caused his to act the way he act. But I still can't fully forgive him as he was never as kind as you appeared to be. And then there's... I'm not even going to say his name..."</p><p>   "Virge..."</p><p>   "Don't," Virgil stopped Deceit, continuing his rant before his emotions and anxiety could stop him. "Did you even realise how cruel he was? He toyed with me and my emotions. He made me feel like I was worthless. He pushed me around, laughing when I lost control of my anger or lost control of my fear. I even saw him tormenting Remus once and those two were pretty close friends. But you either ignored that, or genuinely thought it was fine, convincing Remus it was just how he acted and trying to convince me that his actions and words were justifiable."</p><p>Virgil looked down at his lap as he finished speaking, his emotional dam threatening to break. Before he realised it, Deceit had walked forwards and kneeled down in front of Virgil, his hands on Virgil's knees. <br/>   "I...I never realised. You never spoke to me about anything. I saw the way he sometimes spoke and acted and how it was a bit rough, but I didn't think it was anything bad. He must have been careful around me---"</p><p>   "He was scared of you. Only you though," Virgil added.</p><p>   "Remus was dealing with it fine as he never takes anything seriously, and I presumed since you never voiced anything to me that you were fine too and I apologise for assuming that. I should have asked when I was even slightly worried or told him to stop when he said mean things. I should have made sure you were okay."</p><p>A calm silence ensued after Deceit spoke, giving Virgil too much time to think. His brain was a complete mess, trying to act tough and fine by himself but also craving Deceits attention and wanting to forgive him. Memories of times when he was a Dark Side swirled around in his brain, good times where he got to spend quality time with Deceit, and bad memories of his being pushed around and laughed at out of earshot from Deceit or Remus. The thoughts pushed against his mental barrier, threatening to burst out destroy his outward calm and angry appearance. He tried to keep it up, to stay strong, to not let his emotions get the better of him. Before he could start talking again to stay focused, however, a soft sob escaped his mouth and he felt tears in the corners of his eyes. Covering his eyes and mouth in embarrassment, Virgil wanted to disappear, hating how he was breaking down right now in front of Deceit. </p><p>   "Virgil..." Virgil felt movement next to him as Deceit sat on the sofa, before he felt Deceit gently move his head to the side. "Open your eyes."<br/>Virgil opened his eyes to see Deceit looking back at him, a caring and guilty look on his face. Deceit momentarily closed his eyes before locking eyesight with Virgil again.<br/>   "I know you probably don't want to hear this again, but I am truly sorry. I was mean, uncaring, and didn't talk to you. I shouldn't have let you be left out and bullied to the point that you didn't feel safe and had to leave. I love you yet I let that love fail and blind me from your emotions. I deeply apologise."</p><p>Another silence. Virgil let more tears fall from his eyes and Deceit leant forwards, wrapping him in a hesitant hug. Neither were particularly fond of physical touch with others, but the warm embrace of Deceit brought back fond memories that Virgil tried to focus on instead of the bad fearful memories. An idea came to his mind after he had let more tears fall and sobs escape, so Virgil pulled back and looked at Deceit.<br/>   "You can join us. The Light Sides. I'm sure the others wouldn't mind."</p><p>Virgil looked at Deceit with hopeful eyes but the hope was quickly lost at the sad expression on Deceit's face. </p><p>   "I can't, Virgil," Deceit spoke, "Thomas has already had enough trauma with Sides changing. First Roman when we were young, and then you. He wouldn't be able to push through past the change for the third time. It would break him."<br/>Virgil nodded slowly, understanding what Deceit meant but hating that Deceit was right. Sighing, Virgil rested his head forwards on Deceit's shoulder in defeat and tiredness. </p><p>   "I can't go back."<br/>   "I know, Virgil."<br/>   "I miss you."</p><p>Virgil felt Deceit wrap his arms around him. <br/>   "I miss you too and I'm sorry for trying to get you to come back."<br/>   "I'm sorry for lashing out and yelling," Virgil spoke softly, his voice muffled by Deceit's shirt. More silence passed as the two of them sat there, nothing to say or do. Eventually, Virgil sat back up, crossing his legs and facing Deceit next to him.</p><p>   "What do we do now? I can't go back. You can't join us..."<br/>His gaze shifted down before moving back up as Deceit lifted his chin to meet his eyes and spoke.</p><p>   "We can't anything about that, but we can continue talking to each other more. Meeting each other more. Spending time with each other... so long as we stay a part of our own Sides we'll be fine."<br/>   "Thanks Dee---"<br/>   "No thank you," Deceit interrupted. "You're the one that forgave me."<br/>   "Yeah but---"<br/>   "Virgil."<br/>   "You're the one that---"<br/>   "Virgil!"</p><p>Stopping, Virgil looked up after then realising he'd looked away and down at the sofa. As soon as he looked up again, Deceit leant forwards, placing a small kiss on Virgil's lips. Virgil blushing slightly and Deceit smiled, pulling away. </p><p>   "You don't need to thank me, Virge. I'm the one that was in the wrong. Let me thank you, please."</p><p>   "No." Virgil wrapped his arms over Deceit's shoulders before kissing his, smirking at the slightly shocked look on Deceit's face. Deceit kissed back, and the two of them stayed connected for a few seconds before a knock could be heard on the door. Sitting back surprised, Virgil watched Deceit promptly stand up and start walking towards the door.</p><p>   "Well, I'd better be off then if you have someone wishing to speak with you. Wouldn't want them thinking we were doing anything in here if you kept them too long, now would we?" Deceit winked at Virgil, before opening the door to reveal Roman and Logan standing there. The two of them looked equally surprised and suspicious when they saw Deceit, immediately turning to Virgil who was still seated at the couch and staring at Deceit's back. </p><p>   "Hey Virge, you alright? Is Deceit bothering you?"<br/>   "Yes, if he is of any nuisance to you we can help and you can speak with us about it."</p><p>They both gave Deceit a threatening look, causing Deceit to raise his hands in mock surrender. Shaking his head, Virgil answered them.<br/>   "No, it's fine guys. Just let him leave. I have a feeling you'll be seeing him more often anyways."<br/>   "What do you mean by that?"<br/>Virgil looked down and smiled, noticing Deceit wink again before leaving, and ignored the confused look that passed between Roman and Logan.<br/>   "Doesn't matter."<br/>When the other two realised that was the only answer they were going to get, they said what they were there for and quickly left. Virgil was left to his thoughts, normally expecting an onslaught of anxious thoughts at the end of the day, but instead his head was filled with thoughts of Deceit.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Logan X Remus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remus come to annoy Logan<br/>(this chapter is a slightly shorter one sorry)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: making out scene, dominant Logan, Remus being Remus XD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>LOGAN'S POV<br/>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>   "Knock knock!"</p><p>Logan sighed, placing down the pen and paper he had been writing with, before turning in his chair to face the bedroom door.<br/>
"Come in," he spoke, failing to hide the frustration in his voice. The door burst open and Remus strutted in, a huge grin on his face. </p><p>   "How's my favourite Side doing?"</p><p>Logan turned back to his desk.<br/>
"Go away, Remus."<br/>
"Aww no fair, I just wanted to talk."</p><p>Sighing again, Logan turned around to face Remus who was now spinning in the other chair on wheels in Logan's room.<br/>
"Why don't you go annoy your brother? Or Deceit? Someone who isn't busy working on something important."</p><p> </p><p>   "Ooo what are you writing?" Remus rolled the chair over and looked at papers on Logan's desk.</p><p> </p><p>   "Nothing you would care about. Just something that is actually productive to Thomas's wellbeing." Logan moved the papers of his desk and into the drawer. He fixed his attention on Remus, silently willing him to leave. "Why are you actually here? I know you prefer bugging the others."</p><p>   "But Lo Lo!" Logan rolled his eyes at the nickname, "You're fun to be around sometimes. Plus, I know you love me!" Logan tensed at those words, eyes flickering towards the still open door. Remus had gone back to rolling his chair around the room and looking at Logan's stuff. Slowly walking across the room, Logan closed the door.<br/>
"Remus."</p><p>   "Yes? Oh! Do you have deodorant in here?"</p><p>Logan grew more agitated the longer Remus was in his room and avoiding conversation. Clicking the lock on the door so it couldn't be opened from the outside, he stopped Remus's rolling chair with his foot.<br/>
"Remus! Did you tell anyone about last week?"</p><p>   "Ooo we should talk about butts!" </p><p>   "Remus!" Logan grabbed Remus's shirt, pulling him off the chair. Remus looked down at Logan's hands and wiggled his eyebrows. </p><p>   "Door locked and close together? Kinky."</p><p>   "Just answer my question."</p><p>Remus giggled. "Oh Lo Lo, why would I tell anyone if it meant you never doing it again?" He leant forwards and whispered in Logan's ear, causing a shiver to run down Logan's spine. "I know you want to."</p><p>Logan bit his lip, looking between his desk of work and Remus. He really had work to do but...<br/>
Mind made up, Logan turned back to Remus and started pushing him backwards until Logan had Remus pinned up against the wall.<br/>
"Isn't this bringing back memories," Remus chuckled before Logan tightened his grip on his arms. </p><p>   "Shut up." Logan then pressed his lips to Remus's, enjoying the way Remus let out a soft gasp and let him take control. They stood that like for what seemed like a few minutes, Remus pressed between Logan and the wall and Logan letting his lips and tongue do all the work as he took control. Before he knew it, there was suddenly a loud knock on the door as a voice called out. </p><p>   "Logan? You're knowledge is needed to help Thomas."</p><p>Logan jumped at the sudden interrupting, sighing in relief that Virgil hadn't just appeared in his room and had knocked instead. He strode towards the door, leaving Remus standing there catching his breath. </p><p>   "Logan?"</p><p>Pausing, Logan panicked, realising that if the door was opened, Virgil might see Remus. Unfortunately, as soon as Logan paused, Remus pushed past him and quickly opened the door, greeting Virgil with a massive grin on his face.<br/>
"Hello dearest, Virgil."</p><p>Virgil raised his eyebrow as Logan rushed forwards to the door.<br/>
"Virgil. Hello. Remus was just stopping by to be annoying as he does with anyone when he's bored. He was just leaving." Remus shrugged his shoulders as Logan pushed him out the door slightly and he walked past Virgil and started his way down the hallway. </p><p>   "Goodbye friends! Have fun trying to fix Thomas's life again!"<br/>
Eyes following the laughing man, Logan watching him go disappear around the corner before noticing Virgil watching him with a smirk. </p><p>   "What has you so amused, might I ask?"</p><p>Virgil's smirk only grew as he responded.<br/>
"Nothing. Just may or may not know what you two were really doing."<br/>
"Wait---"<br/>
"We'd better get back to the others now though."<br/>
"Virgil---"<br/>
Virgil suddenly disappeared, no doubt to join Roman and Patton with Thomas, and left Logan alone. Trying to ignore the, probably correct, assumption Virgil had made, Logan walked back into his room. He brushed his hair and adjusted his glasses. Quickly composing himself, Logan waited until the blush he had shockingly realised was on his cheeks had disappeared before leaving to meet with the others.<br/>
Despite composing himself, his heart couldn't help but race at the thought of the next time Remus would appear in his room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Virgil X Patton</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Patton feels overwhelmed and emotional. Virgil comforts him and helps him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING: Mentions of self harm, hinting at depression, lots of Patton Angst, very brief mention of suicide. </p>
<p>NOTE: The technically could just be taken platonically, as the only fluff/cutesy stuff is at the end and if you think of this as Virgil just warming up to the idea of being close to Patton in general, and Patton acting how he acts, it can be taken like a really close friendship</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>PATTON'S POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>Emotions. Self Care. Happiness. <br/>All were things that Patton represented and helped Thomas with. He loved being there to help Thomas and help his fellow Sides. <br/>Whenever Logan overworked himself, Patton would be there to help him rewind and take care of himself. <br/>Whenever Roman was emotional after watching a sad movie or dealing with something that's happened with Thomas, Patton would be there to comfort him. <br/>Whenever Virgil got really anxious, Patton would help calm him down and make him feel better. <br/>Whenever Thomas, or even the others, needed help, Patton would be there to help.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, Patton had a problem of bottling up all of his own emotions and feelings. He couldn't help it. He spent so much time helping the others that he didn't want to focus too much on himself. He would feel guilty if he even tried to do so, his mind telling him over and over again that he shouldn't think about himself and should think about everyone else instead. He listened to his mind. </p>
<p>When his emotions would burst out, unable to contain themselves in his head, it was like a dam breaking in his head, letting everything out at once and unable to be controlled. He was always left feeling alone and sad, then guilty for wanting comfort and wanting to talk to the others, then helpless because he knew he could never talk to anyone about his emotions. His brain and heart wouldn't let him. </p>
<p>Normally he was able to go unnoticed during his emotional mental breaks, letting everything out at night in his room, tears falling like mini waterfalls and sobs being muffled by the door and whatever pillow and stuffed toy he chose to hug for useless comfort. This time however, someone did notice. Someone noticed Patton's tears and sobs and pain. And for that, Patton would forever be grateful, glad he wouldn't have to go on completely alone until it was too much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>VIRGIL'S POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>Virgil had woken up in the middle of the night like usual, and finding it impossible to fall back asleep again, he had decided to leave his room in favour of a cup of coffee. <br/>He trudged down the hall, rubbing his eyes as he silently made his way to the kitchen. A pair of headphones would normally sit atop his head as he listened to music to distract himself from the eerie silence. Music helped Virgil immensely with distraction. However, he had decided to leave his headphones back in his room, opting to take the silence of the night as an opportunity to be left alone with his thought for once. His thoughts quite often weren't very pleasant, usually making him anxious or worried, but the lack of noise coming from the other Sides as they slept and gave him peace and quiet made up for that. </p>
<p>After making his cup of coffee, he sat down at the table and drank it, letting his thoughts wander. Of course, being careful not to let his thoughts wander too much so it didn't lead him spiraling into anxiety. <br/>He quickly finished one cup, before making another and deciding to carry it to his room. His intent was so he could, and probably fail, to fall asleep after drinking the coffee. </p>
<p>Trekking his way back down the dark hall Virgil had almost made it to his bedroom when he heard a sob. It sounded like a sob, or someone crying, and Virgil listened intently. A few seconds of concerned listening later led him to realise that the soft sobs were coming from Patton's room. He quietly opened Patton's door and stepped in, shutting it behind him. <br/>   "Patton? Are you alright?"</p>
<p>The sobs immediately stopped, and he saw Patton sit up on his bed from where he had been curled up hugging a pillow. <br/>   "Virgil, is that you?"</p>
<p>Virgil nodded before realising Patton probably couldn't see him nod in the dark very well.<br/>   "Yeah, it's me. Can I come sit next to you?"<br/>   "Yeah, sure," Patton responded, sniffling and putting on his glasses. Virgil walked over, careful in the dark, and sat on the bed next to Patton. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>   "I'm okay, in case you're probably wondering," Patton spoke, a forced smile appearing on his face, "you don't need to worry about me. Just... remembering a sad movie I watched the other week..."<br/>   "Patton..." Virgil spoke slowly. He could tell Patton had also realised that his lie wasn't a very good one, by the way he seemed to trail off after knowing it wasn't worth it. "I know there's something wrong. You look like you haven't slept well in days which is unusual for you, and I see your smile falter when you think we aren't looking. What's bothering you?"<br/>Looking down, Patton's smile was replaced with a sad and pained look.<br/>   "I... I don't know how to explain..."<br/>   "Could you possibly try? If you're comfortable doing so of course. I really want to try and help after you've spent your time always helping us."</p>
<p>Patton sighed, fiddling with the edge of his blanket. <br/>   "I guess... I spend so much time caring for everyone and helping everyone that I don't care about myself as much? And whenever I try to, my brain always convinces me that I don't matter and I shouldn't care about myself so I try not to think about it. When I do try thinking about myself and my emotions I feel guilty and then lost and alone when I can't talk to anyone. And... and then this all leads to me having random moments where all I can focus on is my mess of a mind and it... it ends up all like this. And I really want to talk to someone but I don't want to burden any of you with my emotions and it's just all too much sometimes..."</p>
<p>Virgil's eyes were wide when Patton finished and he looked at Patton with empathy. <br/>   "Patton... you wouldn't be burdening us, we care about you and love you. You're family."<br/>   "But I'm supposed to---"<br/>   "Patt," Virgil placed his hand on Patton's shoulder, "Just because you're Thomas's morality and think you have to help us all the time and keep us happy doesn't mean you have to ignore yourself. And you don't have to completely focus on that, you need to spend time for yourself more."<br/>   "I know Virge, It's just so hard trying to help myself when my mind seems dedicated to making me feel all kinds of sad and frustrating emotions if I do."</p>
<p>Virgil suddenly wrapped Patton in a hug, almost feeling Patton's surprise since Virgil wasn't normally the kind of person that would hug someone. <br/>   "I'm not sure how exactly to help with the feeling guilty but I'm so sorry you feel that way. I guess I can also understand you not feeling like you can talk to anyone. When I started off interacting with the three of you, my anxiety would get really bad and I tried to keep it to myself and hide it because I didn't feel like I could talk to any of you about it and that you'd all judge me or think I'm being selfish." Virgil looked Patton in the eye, making eye contact despite the darkness of the room without lights. "You helped me with that Patton. And the others. You all made me feel like despite thinking that I had no one to talk to when things got bad, that I did have someone. So please please remember that you can always talk to us. And even if you don't feel ready talking to either of the others, you can always talk to me."</p>
<p>Patton shifted back slightly, attempting to smile again before looking down and sighing. Virgil's heart dropped at the idea that something else might be wrong.<br/>   "Thank you so much Virgil. It's really nice knowing you, and everyone else, care about me. Just... there's something else..."</p>
<p>Virgil tilted his head in confusion, dread running through his mind. Gently lifting Patton's chin up and causing him to startle slightly, Virgil spoke.<br/>   "You can tell me. You can always talk to me about things that are bothering you. I won't judge you and I'll try and help as best as I can."<br/>   "It's something I need to... show you." Patton took a deep breath before taking off the grey cardigan he had been wearing and turning on the bedside lamp, holding his left arm out under the light. Virgil gasped slightly, his eyes drifting over the small collection of scars littering Patton's arm. He could feel his eyes getting watery with tears, hating how he had never realised how much pain Patton had been in and hating that he couldn't help sooner.<br/>   "Oh Patton... I'm so sorry I never knew and I was never able to help. I'm sorry I never got any hints or tried talking to you when I first noticed you looking sad."<br/>   "No no... It's alright Virgil... I should have said something." </p>
<p>Patton started pulling his arm back but Virgil carefully grabbed it, and wrapped Patton's hand in his own. <br/>   "It's not okay though. You were dealing with so much and couldn't speak to us, we should have seen the signs. Heck, you've actually been wearing your grey cardigan so much recently and none of us thought to make sure there wasn't any other reason besides you saying you wanted a change."<br/>   "Yeah but..." Patton bit his lip before continuing, quieter. "After what happened with you a couple years ago... I should have taken my advice from back then and given it to myself..."</p>
<p>Virgil's grip and Patton's hand loosened as he closed his eyes, remembering how a couple years ago, a similar thing had happened with him. His anxiety had gotten so bad alongside the fact that during that time Deceit had been pushing for him to go back to the Dark Sides that he was in such a bad state that he had tried writing a... suicide note, to see what it would be like if he had ever did decide to... go. Of course, at the time he hadn't been planning on acting upon any thoughts, but Roman had found his note and grown instantly panicked. Virgil had spent a couple hours being comforted and given support by Roman, Logan, and Patton. Especially Patton. </p>
<p>Virgil sighed and held Patton's hands tighter again, opening his eyes. <br/>   "Maybe... maybe that would have helped you. Maybe had you had that advice, it would have easier to stop your thoughts. But as the one in pain and as the one in need of help, there was nothing you could have done and should have done besides talk to someone, which is exactly what you're doing right now. We're the ones that should have payed attention. The only thing you could have done better was talk to one of us but since that was half of your problem and I understand that, there's nothing you need to feel guilty about."</p>
<p>   "Thank you so much, Virgil. It means a lot." Patton smiled, a genuine smile, and a few tears fell from his eyes. Smiling back, Virgil reached up and brushed the tears from Patton's cheeks. He softly ran his fingers over Patton's arms and the scars, locking eyesight with Patton. <br/>   "Promise me," Virgil started, "next time if you feel really low, especially if you feel like... cutting... or just harming yourself in any way... you'll talk to me so I can help?"</p>
<p>Shivering at the touch, Patton nodded. <br/>   "Of course. I'll make sure to talk to you. I promise." He smiled, shuffling closer and hugging Virgil, resting his head on Virgil's shoulder. "Thank you. Thank you so much. Promise if you ever get overwhelmed with anxiety again and need to talk, even though what happened with you was years ago, you'll talk to me?"</p>
<p>Virgil smiled, wrapping his arms around Patton. <br/>   "Of course I will. And you don't need to thank me, I'm glad I could help you and you felt comfortable enough around me to talk. I'll always be here if you need to talk or even just want to have a normal chat. Even if you don't feel comfortable talking or feel like talking, I'll still be here for company." </p>
<p>The two of them hugged, neither talking to the other as they enjoyed each others comfort in silence. All Virgil could hear for a couple minutes was the sound of Patton's breathing. He had never hugged someone for so long before, and would have stopped by now, but Patton's warm embrace was enough to make him stay. </p>
<p>After a few minutes of silence, Virgil started to notice Patton's breathing becoming slower and grip loosening. Virgil smiled at the idea that Patton was falling asleep and gently pulled away from the hug. Turning off the lamp, Virgil let Patton down onto the pillow so he was laying comfortably in bed. He carefully took off Patton's glasses and folded them before putting them on the bedside table and stood up from the bed. He'd just moved, however, when he noticed Patton reaching his arms out and making grabbing motions. <br/>   "Virgil... will you stay please? Just for a little bit?"</p>
<p>Virgil chuckled slightly. <br/>   "Of course, Patton." <br/>He went to sit back down but Patton pulled back the blanket and motioned for Virgil to lie down. He complied, awkwardly lying down at first but becoming comfortably as Patton snuggled into him and they were close. </p>
<p>   "I love you so much, Virgil. You're an amazing friend."</p>
<p>Hearing those words made Virgil feel loved. Not just like he was accepted and welcomed like when he first talked to Patton, Roman, and Logan, but as if he had someone he could forever rely. As if he someone truly cared about him. Which Patton did. And Virgil knew that, from the amount of times Patton had been caring to ever. But this felt more personal, as if it were only the two of them and all they had for each other. Virgil had never cared so deeply for anyone before but in this moment, he felt so close to Patton. <br/>   "I love you too, Patton," he spoke, closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth. Eventually, Virgil drifted off, falling asleep to the sound of Patton's soft breathing, a drastic change to the soft sobs that had originally brought Virgil there and a change that he was happy for. Virgil had never fallen asleep next to someone else before but being in Patton's warm embrace was something he decided he loved.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Patton X Deceit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Deceit struggles with self-hating thoughts, Patton helps him. <br/>Not canonverse, it's a human AU<br/>Trans Patton, Non-binary Virgil.</p>
<p>Warnings: none! Just some fluff and self-hating thoughts from Dee and Pat</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dee’s POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>I smile, getting comfortable on the couch as the movie and food were prepared. <br/>I currently live in an apartment with my three friends. Well, two friends and a boyfriend. The four of us had graduated high school almost a year ago, and we’re just finishing up our first year as adults. <br/>I’m 19 now, and have been studying psychology at university. Logan, who was currently the one collecting blankets and pillows for the movie despite originally not wanting to stay up late with the rest of them, had spent his first year out of high school studying chemistry and sociology. Virgil, Logan’s partner, had taken a gap year, decided to spend their first year free of school to work part time and make money off their art doing commissions whenever possible. Patton, my dearest boyfriend, also decided to not go straight into university. He had spent the past year doing multiple jobs, mostly working at the local animal shelter but also working at the nearest homeless shelter. He also loved babysitting and would often go babysit for people, often not getting paid and just calling it ‘helping a friend’ which I thought was rather sweet. </p>
<p>Currently, we are celebrating almost finishing off an entire year out of high school. Movies have been picked and the plan is to watch a few while eating before going to bed. Despite Patton insisting they stay up all night, the four of us still have things to do tomorrow and Logan insisted they needed to sleep and could save staying awake until the actual holidays. </p>
<p>Logan walks back into the room with a bundle of blankets and a few pillows in his arms. He dumps half of the lot onto the lap and takes the rest to the other sofa in their small living room. I lay out the blankets, spreading them over the sofa I’m on. I place down the pillows, making everything comfortable. Eventually, Virgil and Patton return to the living room. Virgil is carrying a few bags of chips and a bowl of popcorn, the bowl threatening to fall out of their arms as they sit down. Patton dashes forwards towards the television and excitedly gets out the first movie, hurrying to put the disk in.<br/>   “Careful, Patton. You, don’t need to rush, we have plenty of time,” I speak, rolling my eyes in amusement. <br/>   “I know, I know. We just haven’t had a movie night in ages!” His eyes shine and I take a second to admire his bright blue eyes, gorgeous smile, and cute freckles. Patton looks back at me.<br/>   “Hurry up, I wanna watch the movie! Stop distracting him, Dee,” Virgil complains, earning them a small shove from Logan for complaining. I just shrug and smirk.<br/>   “Can’t help that I’m this stunning to look at.” I’m lying to myself on the inside. I truly don’t believe what I say about myself, but I put up my ‘I love myself’ facade to shoot back a response at Virgil. <br/>A small blush decorates Patton’s face before he turns back around to put the dvd in, humming to himself slightly. When he is done and the movie is in, Patton runs to the sofa I’m sitting on and snuggles up next to me under the blankets. Smiling down at him, I look over at Virgil who has been holding the television remote and waiting for Patton. <br/>   “Are we all ready now?” Virgil asks from their position next to Logan as they point the remote at the screen in question. <br/>   “Yep! I am,” Patton answers with a massive smile on his face. Logan and I just nod. Getting the answers, Virgil presses play on the remote to start the movie, and I let Patton get closer, internally laughing at how excited Patton always is for simple fun things like movie nights. I love it. <br/>We watched the movie in mostly silence with occasional comments from Patton and at one point, a small conversation between Virgil and Patton. I realised part way through that I was spending just as much time gazing at Patton as I did watch the movie. I found he would also look at me throughout the movie. Whenever our eyes met, we would both smile and blush slightly. </p>
<p>Eventually, the movie is finished. Logan starts gathering up the blankets and Virgil takes the empty bowl back. I’m slightly disappointed that the movie is finished so soon and we aren’t watching any more. I know when I enter my room I’m going to immediately come face to face with the mirror on my wall, spending way too long criticising myself for ages and then not being able to sleep. I know I will do this, I can’t help it. But the movie is finished and there is nothing else I can do to save time without seeming suspicious. So I stand up from the sofa and act normal, like always, and laugh off the concerned look Patton gives me when I accidentally let go of my facade for a moment. <br/>Logan goes straight to his room. Despite him saying that we need sleep, I know he is going to be staying up at least until 11pm studying. And it’s only 8pm right now. Earlier than I would usually sleep. Patton stays awake to watch television and Virgil makes himself a cup of coffee before doing the same. I laugh as they both ask me to double check that Logan won’t walk back out again to tell them to go asleep. After checking, Patton thanks me and gives me a kiss on the cheek when I say I’m going to sleep. <br/>   “Are you sure you’ll be fine sleeping now? I don’t want you to be unable to sleep and be by yourself.” Patton’s smile brightens and he claps his hands together. “You could come sit with us and watch tv until you’re actually tired and can sleep easier!”<br/>   “It’s alright, Patton,” I respond, smiling lightly. I both hope he doesn’t see past my lie, and hope he does so I don’t have to be by myself. Really, I should just stay with him and Virgil or tell him the truth, but I don’t anyways. “I’ll just go to sleep as soon as I can.”<br/>Patton looks at me carefully, before hesitantly smiling. <br/>   “Okay, if you’re sure, Dee.” He presses a quick kiss to my lips. “Goodnight! Love you!”<br/>   “Love you too,” I respond, and he skips back into the living room as I stand in the doorway. I hear Patton ask Virgil what show they want to watch. Turning away, my feet carry me to my room, dread weighing me down. A sigh escapes my mouth and I open my door at the end of the hallway, quicking shutting the door once I’m inside. I try to walk through, getting ready for bed, but my gaze drags my eyes to the mirror on the wall. Getting rid of it has always been something I’ve wanted to do, but I need it to get ready in the mornings so it’s still there. <br/>My focus latches onto my reflection in the mirror and thoughts start to swirl in my mind. I’ve always been self-conscious of what I look like. Especially my face. </p>
<p>My eyes are my first focus, their two different colours never ceasing to amaze me. I actually really like my eyes, one a dark brown colour, reminding me of my chocolate, and the other a bright amber colour like the colour of the horizon when the sun is setting. They are probably the only things I like about my overall appearance. Next, my eyes drift to half of my face. Normally covered by my hair when I’m in public, half of my face is a completely different tone to my normal skin. It’s a large birthmark, running from the left side of my lip up to my hairline. The entire left side of my face. Hard to cover but I try. My mom always used to tell me that I shouldn’t hate my birthmark. That I should be proud. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work when years of bullying work against the words of your mother and win. </p>
<p>After staring at myself in the mirror, self-hating thoughts running through my mind, I subconsciously find myself lifting my hands to show in front of me. I’m not wearing the gloves I usually wear around others, so I immediately find myself looking at the nasty scars and burn marks left on my hands from years ago. When I was 10, I had been on a school camp around a campfire when a couple bullies had decided it would be a good idea to shove me to the ground. In front of the fire. I had landed hands first directly onto the fire. My face didn’t get burnt as the fire had been dying down and didn’t reach high but my hands suffered majorly. Since then, I always wear some kind of gloves, or have really long sleeves to cover my hands. No matter how much I get told that I shouldn’t be ashamed or hateful of my scars and birthmark, I can’t seem to stop the thoughts. </p>
<p>Standing in front of the mirror feels like torture. My feet long to move, to walk away and find Patton or to lead me into my bed and a nice sleep. They don’t move. Instead, only my eyes move, flickering between my face, hands, and every inch of my body I hate. Your scars are gross. You’re ugly. Your birthmark is ugly. You’re ugly. These thoughts tease me, dashing in and out of my mind and pushing away any love for myself I may have felt. Looking at my eyes now feels saddening, as the thoughts push to convince me that I should hate having different eyes no matter how beautiful I get told they are or I think they are. </p>
<p>Tears prick in the corners of my eyes but I wipe them away and try to compose myself. I try to tell myself good things, forcefully closing my eyes and pushing away the self-hate. The thoughts are still there, they never go away. Still, I push them away enough, filling my head with lies like ‘I’m beautiful’ and ‘I love myself for who I am’. I’m a master of lies. I’m built on them. Lying to myself about how I think of myself, lying to friends when I’m not in a good mindspace but I say I’m happy, lying to get out of troubling situations. I hate myself for it too. Not only do I hate my body but I hate my awful mind, and how I can’t seem to get away from the lies that are always on the frontlines of my brain alongside the self-hating thoughts. </p>
<p>It’s not until I open my eyes again and look in the mirror that I realise I have been crying silently. You’d think I would have felt tears down my cheeks, but that’s what the thoughts do. They strip me of my ability to feel things and leave me only able to focus on the thoughts. Selfish things.</p>
<p>I sigh in disappointment at myself, and finally my feet carry me away from the mirror, step by ever-so-small step. A few lone tears still leak from my eyes, but my mind seems content with the torture it’s put me through today. Every night this happens. Well, every night I’m not in Patton’s room or I’ve had enough and opted to stay away in the living room all night. It’s a normal thing now, to stand in front of the mirror. Every morning when I get ready to go to my classes, every night when my mind is active. An endless cycle that I’ve gotten used to. One thing can keep these thoughts away though. One bright light in the cycle of darkness. One— </p>
<p>   “Dee? Are you okay?” </p>
<p>My head turns suddenly, and my eyes catch sight of Patton standing in my doorway—  I didn’t hear the door open. His face expresses concern and he steps inside and quietly shut the door behind him. <br/>   “I was getting tired and Virgil decided to sleep as well since he has his job in the morning. I decided to check on you…”<br/>I smile at him, hoping he doesn’t notice the redness of my eyes or the hard to see lines marks of tears on my cheeks. Of course he notices. <br/>   “Dee…” he walks forwards and gently grabs my hands in his, moving his thumbs in small circles over my skin to comfort me. “Are you letting your thoughts take over again?”<br/>   “Of course not, Pat, I’m just getting ready for bed.”<br/>   “Dee, it’s been over an hour since you left. That’s why I was going to bed now.”<br/>Oh. I chuckle lightly moving away from him to go sit down on my bed. <br/>   “I wasn’t aware. I’ve been reading, and just put away the book.”<br/>Patton doesn’t look convinced and comes to sit down next to me. He places his hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eye. His expression is stern, but empathy is the only emotion showing through his gorgeous blue eyes. <br/>   “Dee, are you lying again? You know you don’t need to lie to me. I’ve been through similar things. I understand and I care about you. I love you. You know that, right?” <br/>I sigh, my mask of happiness dropping as I let Patton see how drained I feel. <br/>   “I know. And I love you too I just… These thoughts…” <br/>Patton wraps me in a hug, rubbing small circles on my back and letting his head rest against mine. <br/>   “I know, I know what you mean. I’ve told you endless times but I had similar troubles when I still wasn’t aware of my identity and I hated myself. I hated my confusing thoughts and my body dysphoria was overwhelming.” He pulls away from the hug and lightly kisses my lips, cupping my cheek gently with his hand. “But it gets better. You just need to try hard to love yourself, admire all your imperfections.”<br/>   “I know but—”<br/>   “You helped me find myself and make me feel loved and let me love myself. I will continue to then help you as much as you need.”<br/>My cheeks feel warm and I can feel a genuine smile form on my face at the kind words. <br/>   “Thank you, Pat.”<br/>He hums and kisses me again, this time lingering longer as I kiss back deeply. “Thank you for all the love and support you provided me when I thought no one would.”<br/>   “Of course,” I reply. <br/>   “Do you want to sleep now? And would you like me to stay?” Patton asks, brushing the hair that fell in front of my birthmark and mumbling a soft ‘Beautiful…’. <br/>   “Yes and yes,” I answer, heart warming at the comment. </p>
<p>Not bothering to take off the clothes he is wearing, Patton quickly takes his glasses off and scrambles under the blankets, grabbing onto the only stuffed toy I choose to have on my bed as a 19-year-old. A yellow snake teddy that I’ve had since I was about 7-year-old. Laughing lightly at my boyfriend's cuteness, I switch the shirts I’m wearing as I plan to wear the first shirt again tomorrow. After I turn off the light, I lie down under the blankets on the bed too, feeling Patton wrap his arms around me. I close my eyes and breathe in, running my fingers through Patton’s hair as he rests his head on my chest. The warmth is something I’m still not used to, as it’s taken me a long time to get used to having someone to love me. I still love being so close to Patton though, feeling his soft hair against my fingers and hearing his breathing as he closes his eyes and snuggles closer. </p>
<p>I’m almost asleep when I feel Patton shift around a bit, mumbling and he attempts to sit up. <br/>   “Oh frick…” he whispers. I open my eyes and in the dark, can still see the worried look on his face and how he appeared to be uncomfortable while tugging at his shirt. <br/>   “Pat, are you alright?” <br/>He nods somewhat sheepishly, giving me an awkward smile.<br/>   “I uh… I forgot to take off my binder…”<br/>   “Ah, okay. That’s alright and it’s a good thing you remembered. Would you like me to turn around while you take it off then?” I question. His smile brightens as he nods timidly. Turning around, I wait patiently while I hear him take it off and put just his shirt back on. It still surprises me how timid Patton can be when it comes to having a binder or being trans, even though I’ve known him for 5 years and been in a relationship with him for 3 of those years. Despite this, I still make sure he is as comfortable as possible and let him take his time, making sure he doesn’t need to feel awkward. </p>
<p>I turn back around when Patton taps me on the shoulder, and he lays back down again. He seems mildly uncomfortable now, so when he lies down again I’m the one that is snuggling up to him. A surprised gasp escapes his mouth and I chuckle, wrapping my arms around him and feel him hesitantly do the same. <br/>   “You have no need to feel uncomfortable around me ever, Patton. Alright? I love you.”<br/>   “Yeah,” he whispers and I realise I’ve been talking rather loudly, “but I feel awkward every time we fall asleep together which makes me feel worse because I should be fine by now.”<br/>I brush hair from his face, our faces close enough for me to see his scattering of freckles and his blue eyes in the dark. <br/>   “You should take as much time as you need. Don’t feel pressured into feeling comfortable. If you still aren’t totally comfortable being around people without your binder on, then that’s okay because I will always be here for you.”<br/>   “But… until I feel comfortable even with my shirt on we can’t…” Patton looks away with what looks like a red face. Lightly laughing, I lean forwards and kiss him. My arms then pull him closer and I rest my chin on his head, letting him tuck his face by my neck. <br/>   “We have plenty of time for that, my love. It is not something you should focus on until you are ready. I am perfectly fine sticking with giving you loving kisses and cuddling you.” <br/>   “Thank you…” Patton mumbles. I smile. <br/>   “And plus, we’ve been saving up, have we not? So hopefully soon in the next year or so — if you are absolutely wanting to — you can get surgery and then you won’t have to feel as uncomfortable anymore.”<br/>Patton giggles slightly, and hugs me tighter than he has been doing before. <br/>   “Of course I want to. I have been wanting to for a while. Thank you, Dee.”<br/>   “It’s my pleasure,” I respond. </p>
<p>Finally, we both grow quiet, and I feel myself drifting off to sleep. Sleeping in the arms of the person I love most in the world. The person I care for and love with all my heart and whom I know cares and loves for me equally so. </p>
<p>The one bright light in my cycle of darkness. My saviour, as I am his.<br/>My love.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Not a ship, just random</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I felt like I needed to update something, and I had this idea, so here's a small sad paragraph oneshot for y'all. <br/>No warnings, just be prepared to feel a bit sad. It's VERY short though.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>THOMAS'S POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>I open my eyes to see myself sitting in a hospital bed surrounded by people I don't know. </p>
<p>No mom, no dad, no Joan, no Talyn; strangers.</p>
<p>One says to me, crying,<br/>   "Oh thank Goodness you're awake! You've been in a coma for almost a year!"</p>
<p>My heart races. Who are these people? What part of my life has been a lie?</p>
<p>I ask about myself as if I've forgotten. I ask where Joan and Talyn are or my parents. What's happened to my YouTube channel. Someone says.<br/>   "We don't know who Joan and Talyn are and your parents died in the car crash you were in. What YouTube channel? You've been working in a local theatre for years."</p>
<p>I can't believe it. Everything was a lie. Joan and Talyn don't exist? My parents? YouTube? My mind races and I can't think, my breathing becoming difficult. I hear a beeping noise and scattered voices of panic. </p>
<p>I can't focus. My whole life has been a lie.</p>
<p>Everything was  a lie. </p>
<p>Everyone. </p>
<p>Lies.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Virgil X Roman</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Virgil and Roman get dared to swap clothes. <br/>No warnings besides the fact they end up without shirts and and there is kissing.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This short oneshot is based of Day Six of  stormcloud_143 on Instagram's 30 day Sanders Sides OTP Challenge. The prompt was "Clothes swap dare: Prinxiety"</p>
<p>Warnings: Mostly just fluff. Taking off shirts. Lots of kissing. Nothing else.<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>VIRGIL'S POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>I look between Logan and Roman, shaking my head and frowning.<br/>   "No no no. I am not swapping clothes with Roman. No way. "<br/>   "It's a dare, Virgil," Logan responds, smirking slightly, "you have to."<br/>I can hear Patton giggling excitedly letting me know that he is on board with the dare, but when I turn to face Roman, he also has a look of defiance on his face.<br/>   "You cannot," he starts, pointing at Logan, "include me in the dare if I do not want to participate."<br/>Logan shares a look with Patton who can't seem to stop being excited. The moral Side gives Roman a suspicious kind of grin that makes him, and me, equally suspicious. <br/>    "Yeah... but remember how earlier when I couldn't come up with a dare you said that I could give you the dare whenever I could think of one?"<br/>   "Well... but..."<br/>   "Just accept the fact you two both have to do the dare," Logan speaks, and him and Patton high-five as if their whole plan all along was to get us to do this unusual dare. I'm not sure why this is some big accomplishment, getting me and Roman to switch clothes. Knowing Logan's intelligence and Patton's enthusiasm, however, means there is probably a reason why they're doing this. <br/>I sigh, rolling my eyes and standing up, ultimately admitting defeat. It is a dare, of course.<br/>   "Do you want us to automatically switch clothes, or do you want us to physically change clothes without our 'magic'?"<br/>It isn't until I finish the question when I notice Roman motioning for me to stop speaking. Logan smirks and Patton smiles wider.<br/>     "Physically change!" Patton exclaims. <br/>Roman face-palms, grumbling about how we could have just got it over and done with quicker had I not given the other two a choice of making us actually get changed. <br/>   "And where, do you two expect us to swap our clothes?" Roman asks, exaggerating his hand movements. Logan looks around the room and raises his eyebrow and I sigh for the second time, remembering that we are currently play truth or dare in Roman's room. As if on cue, both Patton and Logan stand up and start walking towards the door. <br/>   "Have fun kiddos!" Patton exclaims, winking. He frowns for a second, standing in the doorway about to close the door. "Please actually follow the rules and change properly. It won't be as fun if you just suddenly swap like we've done around Thomas." He closes the door, leaving me and Roman standing awkwardly in his room. <br/>I don't want to take too long and just want to hurry things up, so I start to take off my jacket which is the easiest thing to start with. <br/>   "What are you doing?" Roman suddenly asks, and I jump, having only taken off one sleeve. I can't tell if I'm imagining things or not but his face looks slightly red. <br/>   "Doing the dare. Which we're both supposed to be doing."<br/>   "We can easily just do the sudden switch. They won't even know."<br/>I roll my eyes. <br/>   "Yeah but Patton asked. He'd be really disappointed if he did figure out we cheated. Plus," I smirk and decide to tease how unusually nervous he looks, "If you're to scared to change in front of me--"<br/>   "Of course I'm not scared!" Roman says, and I roll my eyes again. He begins to take off his red sash and shirt and I finish taking off my jacket, chucking it on his bed. I grab the hem of my shirt, suddenly hesitant and nervous. Of course, I can't stop now, especially since I see Roman, mid way through changing his shirt, smirk at me. <br/>   "Now you're the scared one?" <br/>Scoffing, I quickly take off my shirt, holding it and folding my arms over my chest while waiting for Roman. Heat rises to my face as Roman takes his own shirt off leaving us both half undressed. I shuffle my feet nervously and despite his normal confidence, even Roman is starting to look nervous and uncomfortable. <br/>   "Should we swap what we've taken off first?" Roman suggests, trying to smile with confidence even though I can quite clearly see how uncomfortable he is. <br/>   "Sure." I grab my jacket off the bed and hold it and the shirt while Roman picks up the clothes that he just dropped on the ground. "You know," I start, trying not to stare at Roman's chest as he stands back up, "ya don't have to pretend to act all confident. I can see how uncomfortable you are."<br/>   "Its's not that I feel uncomfortable." Roman chucks me his shirt and sash and I hand him my shirt and jacket. "It's that I feel too comfortable, for a lack of better words."<br/>   "What does that mean?" I ask. Neither of us have made an attempt to put the clothes on. Instead, we're both still standing with bare chests and nothing but pants on. My heart is racing as my eyes lock with Roman's. I would have put the shirt on but I'm waiting for Roman who also hasn't moved yet. <br/>Roman takes a step forwards, carefully placing the clothes on the bed and taking the clothes out of my hands to place on the bed too. I quickly wrap my arms over my chest and stomach, ducking my head. Still not giving me an answer, Roman gently grabs my arms and holds them between us, lifting my chin with one hand and making a point of running eyesight over my body before making eye contact. <br/>   "What it means," he starts, speaking quietly and slowly, "is that I do not feel uncomfortable in the slightest. I feel... good. But I can see that you aren't comfortable so I apologise if I'm making you uncomfortable and I will gladly go back to what we are supposed to be doing if you wish." <br/>I swallow down the nervous lump in my throat, looking down as Roman moves his hands that were on my arms to softly grasp my hands instead. He starts rubbing tiny circles on the backs on my hands with his thumbs. My eyelids flutter and I love his soft touch, but I still can't help feeling uncomfortable standing without a shirt on. Yeah, Thomas gets his body positivity issues from me. <br/>   "It's not you making me uncomfortable, Princey... It's just that I... I don't really feel comfortable about..." I try to motion with my eyes to my bare torso and he seems to understand as he gives me a sympathetic look. <br/>   "Virge, you look beautiful."<br/>My eyes widen and I swear my face is redder than Roman's sash. He chuckles. <br/>   "And no, it's not because we have the same body. You have no reason to be ashamed. You look amazing. And sure, none of us are perfect. None of us have rock-hard abs or look perfect, but that doesn't mean we are any less beautiful. That doesn't mean you're any less beautiful."<br/>   "Princey..." I look up at him. Despite our closeness, I can feel a smirk growing on my warm face as I remember something. "Isn't it weird that the first time we both held hands was an accident and we both freaked out and now we're both perfectly comfortable."<br/>Roman laughed tilts his head slightly in a curious way.<br/>   "So you are comfortable with this?" <br/>I nod my head. He steps even closer, our arms pressing against our own bodies between us. <br/>   "Would you be comfortable if I kissed you?" <br/>My breath hitches and I can't form words. Instead I nod my head. Roman leans forwards but hesitates a second.<br/>   "I know this is just a kiss, but could you please speak saying this is alright?"<br/>I roll my eyes at how careful Roman is being --- though I appreciate his concern --- and respond.<br/>   "Yes, Princey, you can kiss me."<br/>He smiles, and leans forwards, brushing the hair from my face placing a small kiss on my lips before leaning back. I move my hands from his and pull his head closer, connecting our lips again. He doesn't move back, instead wrapping his arms around my body and deepening the kiss. His hands run over the my back and I gasp at the light touch on my skin. He pulls his head away, arms still wrapped around me, with a look of concern on his face. <br/>   "Are you okay?"<br/>   "Yeah I'm fine, Ro. Just the feeling of your hands on my back... It's nice..."<br/>Roman smirks and lets his hands travel up my back again, fingers tracing patterns on my skin. I let out another gasp and my eyes flutter closed as I hear Roman chuckle quietly. <br/>   "You're adorable Virgil."<br/>I scoff. <br/>   "Adorable? I am dark and mysterious and emo as hell."<br/>He smiles, placing a small kiss on the tip of my nose and each of my cheeks. <br/>   "Emo and adorable." He says. <br/>Trying to retort back as I can't focus on anything besides the soft touch of Roman tracing pictures on my bare back with his fingers. Every movement shoots a wave of electric pleasure through my body.  Roman chuckles again and moves his head next to mine, placing small kisses on my neck. He kisses one spot and I bite my lip to stop from making any kind of noise. Roman must have noticed something as he kisses the spot deeper before starting to suck on the spot. At first it feels kinda nice but it starts to hurt. Before I can bite my lip again, I find myself letting out a small whimper as my hands automatically move up to Roman's shoulders to gently stop him. Roman immediately stops and looks at me concerned. <br/>   "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"  <br/>   "I-it just hurts a bit when you do that. It's nothing bad. Sorry."<br/>   "Hey, you don't need to apologise for something hurting. I want you to feel good, not hurt. Alright?" Roman speaks softly. <br/>   "Y-yeah."<br/>He gives me a warm smile.<br/>   "Okay. I won't do that again, I promise. And thank you for telling me to stop."<br/>I look down at the floor, avoiding Roman's eyes. <br/>   "I just... it feels dumb that I've had to tell you to stop and we haven't even done anything... else. Just kissed."<br/>I feel my chin be lifted by Roman's hand and he softly kisses my lips when I'm looking at him again. A red blush decorates Roman's face from what I hinted at but he keeps his expression soft.<br/>   "Mi amor, it doesn't matter. What matters is your comfort. If I do anything you don't like or aren't comfortable with or harms you, please tell me so I can stop and change things."<br/>My voice drops to a whisper as I timidly respond. <br/>   "I didn't like all those nicknames you gave me. I hated them so much."<br/>He lowers his gaze and sighs. <br/>   "I apologise. I didn't realise. Well... I knew they bugged you and since you would insult me as well I took it for playful banter. I didn't think it hurt you that bad."<br/>   "I'm sorry for insulting you two. With the way I would talk to you I can understand the nicknames and banter back. I deserved it."<br/>   "No," Roman says, a little forceful but with an air of protectiveness to his tone. "You didn't deserve it. Neither of us deserved any insults or harmful nicknames we exchanged. You deserve much better."<br/>   "You do too. You deserve better as well," I respond.<br/>Roman smiles and leans forwards and I happily meet him in a kiss. After we break apart for the long kiss breathing heavily, I move forwards and rest my head on Roman's shoulder, wrapping my arms around his waist. I smirk when I start tracing my fingers over his back and I hear him gasp and let out a shaky breath. I eventually stop and just close my eyes, a calm feeling overwhelming me from the warmth radiating from Roman's body. We're standing wrapped in each others arms in a calm silence for what is probably five minutes, before I feel Roman move his arms and take a small step back. He gives me an apologetic smile and I realise my face has immediately settled into a frown from the sudden lack of warmth.<br/>   "I'm sorry to break this moment of silence, but we've been in here for at least half an hour. Patton and Logan are probably worried," Roman says, and I roll my eyes and how clueless he is.<br/>   "Ro, I'm fairly certain those two purposely made us do this dare to set us up. Logan is smart and Patton knows feelings so I can bet that they both knew perfectly well that we had feelings for each other and would be nothing be curious and mildly suspicious at the long time it's taking us."<br/>Roman raises an eyebrow and gives me a lop-sided smile. <br/>   "We have feelings for each other?" He questions in a teasing way. I jokingly punch his arm and roll my eyes. <br/>   "I think that fact is pretty obvious by now, Princey."<br/>He laughs. <br/>   "Of course, mi amor."<br/>   "Is that Spanish for 'my love'?" I ask, shivering slightly at Roman's careful touch as he brushes my hair that has fallen over my eyes. Roman smiles lightly and responds.<br/>   "It is. Because you are my love. I... I love you Virgil. I have loved you for quite some time now." He laughs nervously. <br/>   "Well in that case..." I let my arms hang over his shoulders and I kiss his cheeks and lips. "I love you too, my prince." <br/>Roman smirks and kisses me quickly back before stepping away.<br/>   "You'll be my prince instead once we've finished swapping clothes like we were supposed to be doing this entire time." He laughs when I groan.<br/>   "Ugh I forgot about that."<br/>   "C'mon, Virge, we might as well hurry and do this now," Roman exclaims, picking up my clothes that he would have to wear. "Plus, the sooner we get out of here the sooner we get to figure out how much of our time in here the other two have heard by eavesdropping."<br/>I swear I can almost hear voices or noise coming from outside the door.<br/>Picking up Roman's shirt and sash I had to put on, I half heartedly grab one of his pillows and throw it at his face, listening to him laugh. <br/>We put on each other's top half of clothes; I put on Roman's white and gold shirt and his red sash, and he puts on my dark purple shirt and my black with purple flannel patched jacket. <br/>When we've done that, we decide to just use the 'magic' of sorts to just quickly change our pants so we can avoid any more embarrassment.<br/>...<br/>Or the possibility of us getting distracted and forgetting about the dare again. <br/>Eventually, we were both dressed in what each other wears normally and we walk out of Roman's room. Roman and I find the other two in the kitchen connected to the living room.<br/>They look like they've just finished making cookies as Logan is putting away a few dishes --- despite the fact he could quite easily just click his fingers and finish them immediately --- and Patton is pulling a couple trays out of the oven. <br/>Patton notices us first and says hello, gushing over how amazing we both look. Roman starts chatting as well, playfully pretending to be me but occasionally looking at me to make sure I wasn't hurt by him pretending. <br/>I frown when I realise that we were gone for no more than 45 minutes which is how long Patton's recipe takes. Patton and Logan would not have made the cookies unless they immediately knew we were going to take so long which is rather suspicious. <br/>I bring it up in the conversation and get a rather obvious lie from Logan backed up by Patton who didn't look awfully truthful either. I roll my eyes and ask Roman if we can change our outfits back which we do. <br/>Trying to ignore the fact that Roman and I were literally set up, I carefully start planning a revenge of sorts in my mind. <br/>Nothing bad, of course. <br/>Just a little something based off of the way Logan is obviously more at ease and care-free around Patton, and how much more protective Patton is of Logan. And the fact Logan has actually admitted to me before that he thinks he has feelings for Patton, and Patton has approached Roman about liking Logan--- which I only know because Roman can't keep secrets very easily (except for the case of him liking me) and accidentally told me.<br/>When we all leave after eating cookies and talking, I catch up to Roman and tell him my plan.<br/>We both end up with crazy smiles on our faces.<br/>If Roman and I get to find love with each other, Patton and Logan deserve to as well.<br/>Just, in an equally annoying and embarrassing situation as our situation was.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Logan X Patton</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Logan gets Hanahaki disease (it explains in the story if you don't know what it is).</p><p>Warnings: Blood, Angst, MUCH SADNESS, I THINK a panic attack of sorts?</p><p>Seriously, I was crying half the time while writing this, I even got my mum concerned. Be prepared to be very sad!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>LOGAN'S POV: In form of a written letter<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>Dear Sides,</p><p>It started slow. The shock and horror was still there, but it wasn't as bad when it started. </p><p>I had just got back to my room after another discussion with Thomas for a video, when I had started to get a tickling feeling in the bottom of my throat. It was unusual and itchy, nothing bad, until it started rising and I was left coughing and gagging. I was shocked, to say the least, when after I finished coughing, a light blue flower petal fell out of my mouth into my hand. I felt a mix of horror and confusion, when this happened, and immediately disposed of the petal -- despite it's unusual beauty and vibrancy that captured my attention momentarily. I spent time after this, urgently searching for information or an answer as to why this happened, a level of worry blanketing my mind when I realised it could happen again. </p><p>I eventually, after growing more frantic when the same thing happened two more times, found out the answer. A fictional disease called Hanahaki Disease. Originating in Japanese fictional works, the disease happens when a character suffers from severe one-sided love. The character with the disease will start to cough of flower petals that start from within their lungs, the petals appearing in larger quantities further along, until full flowers are forcing their way through the character's throat. The only cures are a surgery which removes the flowers alongside all feelings the character has for the person they had unreciprocated feelings for, or if the person ends up loving the character back. If neither of those things happen, the disease is fatal. </p><p>A sick feeling wound up in my stomach after reading all the information I found. I couldn't believe it at first. The disease is fictional, so impossible, right? Eventually controlling my thoughts enough to get more answers, I unfortunately realised that it was, in fact, possible. Us Sides are technically supposed to be fictional as well, alongside the fact we aren't real people either. When I tried to convince myself this couldn't happen to me, out of all of us, I also realised with a heavy heart that I did indeed suffer from what I presumed was one-sided love. Of course, I never bothered asking if my feelings were returned because, the second I knew this disease was affecting me, I vowed to never tell anyone. I was the unemotional side, the logical side. The side who doesn't feel or love or have affection. My brain managed to convince me that admitting to feeling love would be a weakness; a bad idea. And like always, though with significantly more difficulty, my brain overpowered my heart's desire. The desire to admit my feelings... to Patton. </p><p>So I continued to suffer every day for weeks. The list on my desk of perfectly reasonable reasons to leave a conversation grew increasingly useful the more I had that feeling in my throat. I considered it a good thing that there had always been a warning of sorts before I started erupting in a fit of coughs and gagging. Until it got worse. Tiny amounts of blood started appearing with the light blue petals, and the process started to be more painful, my lungs aching with sharp pains and it becoming a small amount harder to breathe every time. I knew I should tell someone, tell Patton, figure something out. I had searched up and knew that this would be fatal. Yet, I still lived my life of infinitesimal significance in fear that my feelings and emotions would be found out and I would be deemed weak or not true to my logical self. </p><p>The pain and constant need to hide bloodied flower petals was getting more difficult to hide. I could tell, as, after about 4 weeks -- by then, the petals I coughed up would come in bunches and blood would appear every time in dangerous quantities -- Patton came up to me asking if anything was wrong. Lying bluntly to his face is not something I would normally want to do -- and I apologise for that -- but I told him I was perfectly fine. He must have known I was lying from the disappointed look on his face, and I felt a wave of guilt sweep through me as he walked away with a forced smile. A smile as if he were upset that I had lied to him.  Lying to him felt painful and I wished I could tell him everything, but I didn't. I didn't, because I knew if I told him about the disease and he did not love me back, my inevitable death would be much worse on him as he would blame the death on himself for being the source of the one-sided love I was experiencing. </p><p>I started spending more time in my room in the Mindspace. Thomas's schedule became more sporadic and less videos with our appearances in them appeared. Everyone started to watch me carefully, question me, and request to talk to me. I brushed everything off, claiming I was perfectly fine and not giving away any information as to my situation. </p><p>There was, however, a point where I did almost mention my situation. Though my soon-to-be death wouldn't happen if I had actually mentioned it. <br/>I had been talking with Virgil this time. He had been going through a tough time and was confining in me of all people. He was talking to me about information I will not disclose here, and for a few seconds I felt compelled to speak up. I thought that, if he was ready to talk to me about such personal information, surely I could speak to him? Perhaps he could figure out for me if Patton did indeed return my love, so if he did I could tell him or if not I could continue to keep the disease a secret. </p><p>I did not tell Virgil in the end, as is clear by now, and instead I listened to him and helped him without mentioning myself. I had an opportunity and I lost it, though I had continued to wonder if I even had an opportunity in the first place when my brain was set on secrecy right from the start. </p><p>A panicked state started to engulf me when the first full flowers came. The pain hit me like a tidal wave against a beach, my breath stopping for a second and leaving me kneeling on my bedroom floor. I had grasped at my chest, my lungs filled with mind-numbing pain, as I coughed and gagged violently. I willed the pain to stop. My eyes had closed automatically before widening as I struggled to breath, blood dripping out of my mouth and a few petals falling. I had heaved, taking no care of the drops of blood scattered over my carpet, barely keeping in a scream as a light blue flower dropped onto the floor. Tears had pricked at the edge of my eyes from the pain I'd never experienced so badly before, and I wiped them away with a shaky hand. My breath had been just as shaky as I stood up with the flower in my hand. Again, more petals forced their way through my throat and I automatically brought my other hand up to my mouth despite knowing it wouldn't matter. By the end of the particularly severe bout of petals and a flower, tears were falling down my face. It was then that I was certain. Certain that I would never tell anyone about this situation. I had thought to myself in the moment, standing there holding the oddly aesthetic bloodied blue flower, 'I can't tell them or him, even if it kills me'.</p><p>I knew everyone was worried about me, as I had gone the next few days without leaving my room at all. I put a mental blocker over my room so no-one could sink into my room without permission, and I put a lock on my door. Patton was affected the most I had realised, as I'm sure is obvious, since he was so worried that the worry started to affect me. I tried leaving my room at one point to talk to him and tell him I was perfectly fine, but when I did, everyone was there. And when I did, I started coughing violently again and immediately left without saying a word, returning to my room where I fell unconscious just after locking the door and hearing at least three flowers fall onto the floor. </p><p> </p><p>I currently sit at my desk. I'm trying to ignore the blood stains and flowers everywhere, and ignore the blinding pain in my chest. It has been 2 days since the pain was enough to make me fall unconscious, and I'm barely able to move right now. Petals are falling onto my desk constantly and full flowers every minute that I'm writing. I'm aware that if I stop writing and let natural forces carry me into unconsciousness so this whole process is less painful, but I'm pushing forwards. <br/>It's sitting here, that I've realised my mistake. I've realised that I should have told Patton about this. I should have told everyone about this. Even if Patton never loved me back, the end result would end in my death regardless. At least if I'd mentioned it there would have been some disclosure. When I realised with despair that I only had mere hours left, I knew it was too late. Everyone has left to go plan a video with Thomas that I am not needed in and I did not want to be a burden and ruin their video. Which is why I'm writing. <br/>It's hard to write, when blood is spilling from my mouth and tears are cascading down my cheeks. Someone might think 'It can't possibly be this horrid and Logan can't possibly be crying'. Which I normally would believe as well. But by now, you would have spotted the tear stains on the paper and blood drips on the paper. Alongside finding me. The obvious clue. </p><p>I have no idea how this is going to work anyways. I do not have any possible ideas as to what will happen to Thomas and I severely apologise if this affects his mental state. We already figured out what would happen if Virgil left, and I can only imagine what this might do.</p><p>So as I'm finishing my writing, which I'm just now thinking is very similar to a death note, I will stop talking about what had happened in the short yet long past 6 weeks, and write notes to each of you. This is unbelievably emotional which is not my strong suit, so I apologise if these messages are not to your complete satisfaction.</p><p>Roman, I apologise for all the times I told you your ideas were not great or not of use. You're the creative one, the one with all the ideas, yet I always tried to see a way to push them aside as if they were meaningless. I truly did not mean to do any harm to you. At the start, I saw you as an arrogant self-centered person who didn't care about the rest of this. Of course, I now know this is a falsehood. Many of your ideas have proved extremely helpful and despite how I originally perceived you, your personality has grown on me. Your confidence and dreams have been an important part of Thomas's life and even though you don't always act it, I know how much you care about us all.</p><p>Virgil, thank you for listening to me when I had no idea who else to go to, and thank you for trusting me enough to confide in me. We had never been very close at the start as I had been non trusting of someone that could cause anxiety. Anxiety and irrational thoughts clash unfortunately well with logical and rationality. But when you started giving me more personal information, trusting me with details you didn't want to share and providing a person for me to talk to, we grew closer. You understood me and I understood you -- even though it took me a while to understand you, I made an effort to do so. </p><p>I originally was not going to mention the 'other two' on this list, but I have now decided that I do want to write notes to them. I trust this letter gets to them. </p><p>Deceit, I apologise for never even attempting to understand you. I presumed that, since you were the lying trait, that you weren't to be trusted. Of course, I know better than to assume things now. After understanding Virgil and trusting him and knowing him, I started to think about you. Yes you lie, but lying isn't all that bad, as is the deal with anxiety. And I realised after so many weeks of lying to my closest friends, that I had absolutely no reason to dislike you when it was your job to be deceitful and I was doing it willingly. I should have talked to you more but never found the opportunity. </p><p>Remus... I didn't get time to know you enough to be able to fully understand you. Of course, like I have mentioned before, I am aware that intrusive thoughts aren't all that bad so long as they are controlled. You do not affect Thomas in an overly negative way, and I therefore have no reason to dislike you. In fact, I have many reasons to like you. Reasons like how you are still part of Thomas's creativity and therefore just as important as the rest of us. Reasons like how, despite how different you act, you've never been mean or insulting towards any of us. In fact, you've even complimented us multiple times. Plus, I have noticed over the weeks that you actually get along with Patton quite well and Roman tolerates you which is great. </p><p>Last, but most certainly not least, Patton. It's risky, leaving your message to last, as it's getting harder to focus beyond the pain and this is my most important message. I am not going to hesitate in saying, I love you. I love you so much. I love how much you care for everyone and everything, how little things can be very important to you, how you always have a way to cheer everyone up. And I so desperately wished I had talked to you before it got to the point that I had to write this letter. I do not know what you could possibly be thinking right now reading this letter. I can imagine you'd be sad of course, but did you love me? You could be sitting and shaking your head, dreadfully aware of the fact that even if I hadn't left this information until now, nothing would have mattered as the love would have always been one-sided. Or, you could be feeling guilty, having felt love towards me but knowing that the fact neither of us mentioned it to each other is the reason this letter exists. <br/>If it is the first option, there is nothing I can do but continue to tell you I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Every inch of my 'logical' 'unemotional' body wants nothing more than to hug you and tell you this in person. To make it clear to everyone that even though I never wanted to mention it before, that I do have emotions. I hid them for the longest time in fear of being judged, but maybe if I hadn't hid them, I would have had the courage to speak up. So I deeply apologise for any sadness or despair or terror you may be feeling and I wish I could take all those emotions away and make you feel better instead. <br/>If it is the second option, I can tell you to stop feeling guilty. It is not your fault. It is no-one's fault but mine. You and the others had no reason to know what was going on with me. I am the one that avoided conversation. I am the one that is purposely avoiding talking to you all. I am the one that could not bring myself to admit my feelings to you. Please, do not blame yourself. Please stay safe. Look after Thomas and make sure nothing bad happens to him. I realise how you could hate me right now too, for doing this to myself. You've always cared so much about us and want us to take care of ourselves yet here I am letting myself die. I don't really know why I don't just rush to where you all are and sort this out, but I believe it could be my fear to actually speak. I've never been good with speaking emotions, but I can always write. Care for the others, but let them care for you as well. You deserve happiness and love as much as the rest of us. <br/>I love you, Patton.</p><p>Please take care of each other. Even if there are disputes between you all -- all meaning all of you: Patton, Roman, Virgil, Remus, Deceit -- you are still a family. If something happens to one of you, talk about it. Don't hide your problems like I did, don't lie about how you're feeling like I did, trust each other. </p><p>Goodbye,</p><p>Logan. </p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>PATTON'S POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>   "Oh LoLo..." I manage to whisper, choking down a sob as tears run down my face. His life-less head is on my lap as I run my fingers through his hair. Roman has just finished reading the letter for the second time, after Virgil had gone to get Deceit and Remus after the first read through. I still can't stop the tears from flowing even now, the silence in the room making it even easier to let my thought's spiral out of control. I should have told him. I waited weeks and weeks and I never told him! It would have been as simple as walking to him and saying 'I love you' and everything would have been fixed. But now he's dead. He's dead and gone and still and lifeless and it's because I was too shy to admit my feelings for him.</p><p>I realise I'm sobbing uncontrollably again and Virgil turns me around and let's me sob into his shoulder. I can't seem to grasp the fact that he's really gone. <br/>As if on cue, his body, his horrific yet weirdly beautiful body with his mouth and neck covered in bloodied blue flowers, starts slowly disappearing. I cry out when I turn around and notice, shaking off Virgil's gentle attempt to pull me away.</p><p>   "No no no! What's happening?! Why is he disappearing? No..." My hands try to cup his face but I can't feel him, it's like he's become a ghost. I take no notice of the others kneeling closer. I can't help but panic, watching Logan's body disappear slowly, his previous bright hazel eyes dulling more than they already had. "No no no..." <br/>His body eventually disappears, leaving behind nothing but a bright, clean, light blue flower. </p><p>   "Pat..." </p><p>I shakily stand up, ignoring Virgil who is the only one besides me that has spoken since Roman finished reading the letter. Even Deceit and Remus have tears in the corners of their eyes and faces full of despair.  Reaching forward, I carefully grab the letter from Roman, and sit back down in front of the flower, sniffling and letting my tears continue to fall. I read through the letter again, this time in my head by myself. I could barely focus the first two times. Every drop of ink on the paper and every tear and blood stain is a reminder that he's gone. Really gone. My eyesight keeps blurring and every few seconds I have to take off my glasses and rub the continuous tears away. It's a painfully long process, and with minimal talking, the others eventually leave me in Logan's room by myself. I hate how long it's taking me to read, but all I can focus on is imagining the pain Logan was in. I never noticed. I never pushed him to tell even though I knew something was up. I should have. I should have at least told him I had feelings for him! If I had told him I loved him he wouldn't be dead! Guilt wracks through my body and I sob even more, clenching the paper in my fist and hugging my legs. He's dead because of me. I killed him. I killed him! Logan, smart, sweet, Logan who I loved with all of my heart, is dead because of me.</p><p>It takes me a few minutes but I eventually get to the part of the letter he wrote for me. I never heard this part when it was being read out loud for everybody. Both times I didn't hear. I blocked my ears, shouting the first time when it was just Roman, Virgil and I. I couldn't bear to listen to someone speaking something directed at me that came from Logan. It was either hear him say it himself, or read it. Only one of those being possible. </p><p>My eyes scan over the words slowly, and while I'm reading my mind starts wandering. The fact I've stopped sobbing as much and my breathing is calmer is a fact I fail to notice as I let myself be swept up in the pure emotion of his words. Sure, I listened to his writing of what he wrote to the others, but somehow, being alone and reading words that came straight through his heart for me written in his elegant handwriting, is more real. Even though his writing gets worse throughout the letter, I'm still struck by how beautiful it looks for someone in so much physical pain and despair. </p><p>His words sweep me up and get my complete focus, and when I close my eyes I can even imagine it's him speaking to me. But I know it's not true, when the last words directed to me are read by my eyes and I'm left feelings even worse and with more love towards Logan that I will never have an opportunity to express to him. </p><p>I fold the letter when I'm finished reading, folding it small enough to fit in my pocket. My eyes calmly drift over the room. Picking up the flower, I stand up and start walking around the room with more steadiness than someone so broken and lost should have. Blood and petals everywhere, are evidence of Logan's painful struggle, and it takes lots of willpower not to break down crying again. I have to stay strong. For Logan. </p><p>I spend the next hour picking up all the flower petals and flowers from around his room and putting them in a pile next to the flower that was left over from his death. Nothing has touched the bright blue flower yet, and I take extra care in making sure none of the blood from the others gets onto it. After all the petals are in a neat pile, I tidy up his room, making everything neater how he would usually have it instead of the frenzy mess left from his long panicky death. When everything is tidy and organised, I grab the flowers and petals and dispose of all of them besides the untouched flower. I sit down in front of it, still hesitant to touch the beautiful petals. <br/>Taking in a shaky breath, I close my eyes, and picture Logan in my mind. I start speaking, knowing he isn't here anymore but trying to find comfort in the flower left behind and his emotional words from the letter.</p><p>   "L-logan... I know... I know you aren't here to actually hear me talk, but I'm by talking it will help me to move on from the pain but to still remember you. I d-don't know if that makes sense... I love you. I love you so much and you'll never hear me say these words but I'm saying them anyway. I love you and I have for so much time but I was too scared to tell you. I didn't know how you'd react. I didn't know how anyone would react. We've all been so close like a family and I saw everyone as brothers of sorts but t-then I started liking you m-more and then I started loving you so much. I should have told you. If I had told you then you wouldn't have died." I pull my knees up to my chest and wipe away the tears that have started to fall. "I k-know in your letter you said not to feel guilty and that it isn't my fault and I'm trying so hard to believe that but I can't. At least right now. I'll continue to try though. For you. I'll take care of the others and make sure they are doing alright. I'll care more about Remus and Deceit and include them in more things too. I'll talk to the others about how I'm doing as well and let them comfort me. because y-you asked me to and I'd do anything for you. Anything. I love you Logan."</p><p>I start sobbing slightly and I cover my mouth, trying to calm my breathing the way Logan has instructed before. Hesitantly reaching forwards, I pick up the light blue flower and hold it close to my face. It really is beautiful, the blue petals shining in an almost unnatural way yet completely natural way. The flower looks healthy and so full of energy, that for a second I wish I could exchange it's life for Logan's. I know that isn't possible though, so instead I try to admire how pretty it is. I stand up with the flower, and take it to my room. When I get there, I gently place it on the small table next to my bed. Something inside my mind, I don't know how or why, is telling me that the flower is special and isn't going to die. One seeming-less endless life for another. </p><p>Leaving my room, I slowly make my way to the quiet voices in the living room. I round the corner to see Roman, Virgil, Remus, and Deceit, all standing there talking. Their voices are hushed and full of sorrow, but they immediately grow quiet when they notice me in the doorway. </p><p>   "Hey padre, how are you doing?" Roman asks gently. </p><p>I shrug my shoulders, holding my arms close to my chest. I force a smile onto my face, and I'm sure it's obvious to the others that it's forced but I don't care.<br/>   "Go-- N-not good. I'm not doing that great. B-but I'm trying my best to stay calm." </p><p>Virgil managed a kind smile.<br/>   "That's good." <br/>   "Do you wish to speak to us about it? Or would you rather have some time to yourself for a bit first?" Deceit then asks, all signs of his usual personality gone as his appearance shows nothing but sorrow and sympathy. <br/>   "I don't think I could say anything else right now without... crying... so I think I'll wait for now..." I muster up another smile, this one actually more real. "I promise when I'm ready I'll actually talk to you all." </p><p>The others smile at me, but still stay in an awkward silence as if they don't know what to say. </p><p>By now, the only one that hasn't spoken to me is Remus. He turns to me, and without saying a word, walks over and wraps his arms around me in a hug. <br/>   "I've never been called important before," he whispers, referring to what Logan mentioned to him in the letter, before standing back and giving me one of his signature manic grins. I can still see the pure sympathy and sadness in his eyes, though, as I watch his turn around and walk back to where the others are standing. </p><p>I say goodbye to the others, briefly wincing as I remember that same word as Logan's last word to us in the letter, and head back to my room. When I get to my room, I sigh, flopping down on my bed and lying down. I look around my bed and quickly grabbed my stuffed dolphin teddy, holding it to my chest and ducking up the blankets. After we had all gotten into a discussion one time about what animals we'd all be and when Logan said he'd be a dolphin, my dolphin teddy had held much more significance in my heart. </p><p>Closing my eyes, I try to get any kind of rest, but I can't. The image of Logan lying dead on the ground surrounded by blood and flower petals burns through my mind and destroys any hope of sleep. I find myself curling up and hugging the dolphin tighter, trying desperately not to let the tears and my mental barrier fall. But after what has happened in the past few hours, I'm so worn down and tired that I can't stop the tears no matter how hard I try. So I let them fall, uncontrollable sobs wracking my body. I can't get the image of Logan's body out of my mind, and my mind is stuck on loop, repeating 'he's dead' over and over again to drive me crazy. I feel so lost, the normal comfort of all my stuffed animals not helping at all as my mind takes me deeper and deeper into a spiral of dark thoughts. Feelings like guilt, despair, fear, and sorrow, attack any positive thoughts I had, while I'm curled up on my bed. Loneliness overwhelms me and I shiver despite not being cold, before going back to sobbing and shaking. I can hear my door open and close over top of my own crying. </p><p>   "Oh Pat..." I hear Virgil whisper, before he walks over and sits on the edge of my bed. Failing to stifle my sobs, I just wait helplessly as Virgil moves the blankets off my head. </p><p>He doesn't say anything as he removes the dolphin teddy from my grasp and lies down under the blankets with me, letting me wrap my arms around him instead. He gently rubs circles on my back and I rest my head against his chest as he guides my breathing. I can't control my breathing though as my thoughts bombard me and attack me with images of Logan, and I start gasping in between my sobs. </p><p>   "Hey hey hey, Pat. Focus on your breathing alright? Remember in for four seconds, hold for seven seconds, out for eight seconds."<br/>   "I-I c-can't Virge... I keep seeing h-him and thinking about it a-and my thoughts won't s-stop."<br/>   "I know," he mentions, and I feel him gently grabbing one of my arms and placing my hand on his own chest, "but you need to steady your breathing. You're becoming too panicked. Just focus on my breathing alright. Open your eyes and focus on anything, my eyes or the wall or the your hand, and just breath, okay?" </p><p>I open my eyes and look at my hand, trying to follow along with the breathing. It's difficult and I keep breaking down into sobs and rapid breathing at first, but I eventually start to calm myself with soft encouragement from Virgil. </p><p>   "Are you alright now? Or at least, more calm?" Virgil quietly asks. I nod my head slowly, shifting closer and hugging him again.<br/>   "I Loved him..."<br/>   "No," Virgil says. "You love him. Not loved, past tense. You love him and you will always love him because I know that you will never forget him and he will always be in your heart, no matter the fact he's physically gone."</p><p>I smile, even though he can't see my face. <br/>   "Thank you for helping me."<br/>   "That's what family is for," he says, shuffling back and leaning on his arm. "Now, do you want me to stay, or leave?"<br/>   "Stay, please. I had this trouble when I started trying to sleep." </p><p>Virgil quickly stands up and goes to turn off the light. He then returns and lies down again, carefully taking off my glasses and putting them next to the blue flower on the table, and wraps his arms around me in a hug. My eyes close again, and this time it's easier to stay calm with someone else next to me. Whenever I do start to panic slightly, I just focus on keeping my breathing in time with Virgil's. </p><p>After a few minutes, I speak again, hoping Virgil is still awake. <br/>   "Will Thomas be okay? What's going to happen to him?"</p><p>Seconds of brief silence pass before Virgil responds, looking at me with a pained and anxious look on his face. <br/>   "I-I d-don't know Pat, I really don't know."<br/>   "We'll figure it out," I tell him with as much determination as I can gather, and he smiles at me.<br/>   "We'll figure it out."</p><p>Just before I fall asleep, I whisper to myself.<br/>   "I love you, Logan. I always will."</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Patton X Logan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yes, this is different to the previous 'Logan X Patton', in case you were wondering. </p><p> </p><p>Warnings: kissing, that's it :3. Safe to read kiddos!</p><p>Also, this is really short, sorry. I wrote this one some time ago. </p><p>Any older oneshots (like this) will be shorter, and I suspect new oneshots that I write will be longer because I'm better at making them now.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>PATTON’S POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Patton hummed along to the song he had stuck in his head, moving around the kitchen in the ‘house’ the four of them lived in. Making cookies was always something he loved doing, so he had been spending the past hour baking cookies. Currently, Patton was putting away dishes he had cleaned while the cookies were in the oven. He didn’t really need to clean then as he could just make them all suddenly clean, but it helped pass time and it was fun to do. <br/>As he finished the dishes, he checked the oven before sitting down at the table and sighing. He still had about fifteen minutes left before the cookies were ready. Sitting at the table felt uncomfortably boring and he itched for the cookies to be ready. The delicious smell of the cookies was nice but did nothing to distract Patton, and he was left to his thoughts. </p><p>Recently, Patton found his thoughts always accidentally drifting to Logan. He hadn’t realised ‘till recently how he’d try to spend more time with Logan, thinking more about things Logan said and taking Logan’s side whenever the four of them were all arguing. It had taken surprisingly long for Patton to realise that he was starting to feel more than just family/friend love towards his fellow Side. Despite this, he was still very confused as to the whole concept of the Sides being able to love each other, and he desperately wanted someone to talk to. </p><p>Ruling out Logan for obvious reasons, and Virgil because he was unsure how the anxious Side would react, Patton had tried confining in Roman. At first, he thought Roman would help, being the one that dealt with the romantic side of love, but Roman hadn’t been particularly helpful. He had spent the time going on about ‘true love’ and how Patton should tell Logan with some big gesture. Patton has thanked him nonetheless and left just as helpless as before. The timer Patton had set for the oven suddenly went off, startling him. His thoughts instantly changed to the cookies he had baked and he rushed over to the kitchen to put on oven mitts. Taking out the hot tray, utterly delighted at the perfectly cooked look of the cookies, Patton turned around only to be met with a nervous looking Logan standing by the table. </p><p>   “Oh, hey Lo!” Patton exclaimed, putting the tray down and taking the oven mitts off. “Are you okay? You look nervous. Did something happen?”</p><p>   “Well, I was wondering if I could perhaps talk to you about something that has been bothering me. If you’re busy of course, I can always talk another time.”</p><p>   “Oh no, it’s fine! The cookies need to cool first anyways,” Patton answered, smiling. He leant against the counter before growing more concerned at Logan’s increased nervousness now that he had to talk. Especially since Logan is normally calm and rarely gets nervous about anything. “What did you want to talk about?”</p><p>Logan took a few steps so he was in the kitchen with Patton and looked around before turning back to Patton. <br/>   “Well… I… Nevermind. I can speak with you another time Patton.”</p><p>   “Wait!” Reaching forwards, Patton carefully grabbed Logan’s arm before he could turn away. “You know you can talk to me about anything.”</p><p>   “I’m not sure I can talk to you about this,” Logan spoke, sighing. </p><p>   “Lo, you can. I’m sure. Just try.” Patton let go of Logan’s arm, trying not to blush at how close they were standing, and focused on helping Logan. His mind was conflicted, thoughts racing between how distraught Logan appeared and how Patton had to help, and how Logan was standing right in front of him with his intelligent brown eyes easy to get lost in. </p><p>   “Can you promise you won’t judge me and won’t tell the others? And that you won’t talk or walk away until I’ve finished speaking?”</p><p>   “Of course,” Patton reassured, holding Logan’s hands in encouragement, pushing any thoughts aside that did not include helping a friend out. </p><p>   “Okay…” Logan started. “I’ve been having these feelings for some time now that have had me confused as I am, as you know, not the best with feelings. Being Thomas’s Logic unlike you and Roman who are better at emotions and feelings. Regardless, I spent some time thinking about them and doing some reading and I believe I’ve figured them out. And I…” He paused, thinking and looking down at his hands in Patton’s grasp. He looked back at Patton. “I believe the phrase I am looking for is, ‘I have a crush on you.’”<br/>Patton’s eyes widened and he gasped slightly, as Logan stood back a few steps and pulled his hands away from Patton’s. Logan looked at the floor with an embarrassed look on his face.</p><p>   “I apologise if this is something you did not wish to hear, and I understand if you do not wish to speak with me and would prefer I leave you alone.”</p><p>   “Lo…” he gently reached a hand up to lift Logan’s chin, being careful not to make him uncomfortable. “I don’t want you to leave and I don’t want to stop talking to you. I… I have a crush on you too…”</p><p>A surprised look passed over Logan’s face. <br/>   “You do?”</p><p>Patton smiled and nodded as a confirmation. His eyes widened and he felt heat rise to his cheeks when Logan put his hands on his shoulders and pulled him closer so that their bodies were almost touching. </p><p>   “May I kiss you?”</p><p>Nodding again, Patton’s eyes fluttered closed as Logan leant forwards and kissed him softly on the cheeks. He ran his fingers through Logan’s hair as the kiss deepened, the two of them unwilling to break apart. Patton gasped and tried catching his breath when he pulled back, barely noticing Logan do the same as his heart was pounding and his mind was racing. When his breath had slowed, he quickly placed a small, light kiss on Logan’s lips before moving back again and giggling as he caught Logan off guard. Logan kept his hands on Patton’s waist where they had ended up in the kiss, and spoke.</p><p>   “That was…”</p><p>   “Amazing?” Patton suggested. </p><p>Logan smiled.<br/>   “Yes, amazing, Patt.”</p><p>They continued to smile at each other until Patton was suddenly startled by a voice speaking from across the room. </p><p>   “Ya know, I honestly never would have pegged you two as working well as a couple, but you two are so cute together.”</p><p>Patton jumped back in surprise, feeling his face grow hot and both him and Logan turned to see Roman standing in the doorway that led down the hall to their rooms, a smile on his face. </p><p>   “Roman! How long have you been standing there?” Logan asked, a mix of frustration and embarrassment showing on his also-red face. </p><p>   “Long enough,” Roman spoke, smirking. He turned and started walking out of sight down the hall to presumably make his way to his room. </p><p>   “What do you mean?” <br/>When Logan didn’t get an answer he hurriedly walked to the doorway where Roman had been standing. <br/>   “Roman, you’d better not tell anyone!”</p><p>Laughing, Patton followed Logan who had walked down the hallway and was looking confused.</p><p>   “Where did he even go?” Logan mumbled, looking through the open door to Roman’s room which was clearly empty. Patton shrugged his shoulders, amused. </p><p>   “I have no idea. But hey! It means more cookies for us! They’re probably at the right temperature to eat and still be warm and tasty now!”<br/>Logan rolled his eyes but followed Patton back to the kitchen. The cookies were, indeed, ready, and the two of them continued to eat a few while talking about what the previous experience would mean for them relationship wise. </p><p>They decided to have somewhat of a relationship where they would be like a couple, but they wouldn’t tell any of the others. Even Thomas. And they would just have to hope that Roman wouldn’t mention anything. </p><p>Much to Patton’s happiness, they also eventually decided to take the cookies and go watch a couple movies in Patton’s room. </p><p>Settling down on Patton’s bed, both Patton and Logan got ready to watch the movies. <br/>They never got far, however, as part way through the movie watching turned into light kissing on the bed, then deeper kissing, neither of them wanting to stop or let go of the other. Eventually they just lay next to each other before falling asleep, the sound of the movie continuing to play in the background as no one could be bothered turning it off. As the movie continued to play and Patton and Logan continued to sleep, neither woke up to see anyone walk in and grab a few cookies before leaving.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Roman X Deceit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warnings: heavy kissing / making out. Hinting at more than kissing (hinting at sexual ideas). Nothing too bad and certainly no smut so no worries kiddos! :3</p><p>Roman sneaks off to Deceit's room while the other Light Sides are watching a movie.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>ROMAN'S POV</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Roman looked back around the corner, making sure none of the others had seen or noticed the direction he was walking in. He walked quickly, feeling slightly guilty for leaving his fellow Sides to their movie night without him. His excuse had been a simple 'I need to rest and prepare myself for a long day of planning and coming up with ideas for a new video tomorrow'.</p><p>Of course, Patton had begged him to stay, Logan pointed out that he was the one that planned things, and Virgil said that he was glad Roman was leaving so Roman didn't have to ruin the movies by talking throughout. Despite this, none of them seemed to think his needing to leave was at all suspicious. They all let him leave.</p><p>Turning down a couple hallways of the 'house' they 'lived' in --- technically being parts of Thomas's mind meant they didn't 'live' nor did their 'house' exist --- he started noticing the lights dimming and the shadows growing as they usually did. Entering the Dark Side always felt unusual, but Roman had walked the halls so many times now that it had started to feel more natural.</p><p>Roman eventually arrived at the now-familiar door, proud that he didn't have to use the paper of directions anymore. Funny how directions were needed just to get around in the Mind Space.</p><p>He knocked on the door five times, their agreed code, before waiting as the sound of footsteps could be heard from the inside of the room.</p><p>The door opened to reveal Deceit standing there, a sly grin on his face.</p><p>"Come in dearest, Roman."</p><p>Roman walked in, hearing the door shut behind him, and turned to face Deceit. Wearing only a black shirt and a pair of grey pants, Deceit looked more normal than he usually did in the costume he wore around everyone else. A red shirt and pajama pants were all Roman was wearing as he'd just come from a movie night with the others. Plus, he could never be bothered wearing his full prince outfit when visiting Dee. It took too long to remove.</p><p>"So," Deceit started, stepping closer to Roman, "Do you want to perhaps talk and watch a movie first or...?"</p><p>"I choose 'or'," Roman stated, grabbing on to Deceit's waist and pulling their bodies together.</p><p>"Good."</p><p>Their lips smashed together as Deceit roughly grabbed Roman's head and pulled him forwards. Roman's eyes closed as his body and mouth fought for dominance, hands automatically tightening on Deceit's waist as Deceit's hands pulled on his hair.</p><p>Spinning Deceit around, Roman started pushing forwards, the two of the hastily pulling off their shirts before Roman shoved Deceit onto the bed and lay on top of him. Roman's hands ran over Deceit’s bare chest as the two caught their breaths again. A smirk appeared on Deceit’s face. <br/>“You should be glad I didn’t decide I wanted to be on top this time.”</p><p>“Oh please, Dee, you got to be on top the past two times. My turn.”</p><p>Deceit chuckled and Roman took advantage of that to bring his mouth down suddenly, letting his tongue explore Deceit’s mouth. A soft moan escaped Deceit at the contact and Roman shivered as Deceit ran his hands lightly over Roman’s back.</p><p>Lifting his head up, Roman gave the two of them another chance to catch their breath before they did anything else. <br/>“I’m so glad you were able to finally get away from the others,” Deceit spoke, his voice still sounding out of breath yet unbelievably alluring and sensual, “I needed this.”</p><p>“Agreed. I’m careful and can’t come often because imagine what the others would think if they saw us right now.” Roman chuckled, earning a small laugh from Deceit. They both froze, however, when another voice was heard.</p><p>“You don’t need to imagine it.”</p><p>Almost immediately, Roman shot up, scrambling back away from Deceit and staring at the three figures in the doorway. <br/>Virgil looked a mix of shock and confusion, though a small smile quickly appeared on his face at seeing Roman so embarrassed and vulnerable. <br/>Logan didn’t appear as shocked, looking mostly suspicious but as if he had already figured out before everyone else that this is where Roman always disappeared to. He also immediately tried to cover Patton’s eyes with his hands but failed as Patton, who looked just surprised, moved Logan’s hands away and mumbled something about not being a child.</p><p>An awkward silence passed over the room as Roman hastily put his shirt on while Deceit continued to lay on the bed and do nothing with an amused look on his face. At first appearance it would look like only Roman was the one getting embarrassed, but he could see the blush on Deceit’s face and knew the other Side was just acting calm despite the embarrassment. When Roman had his shirt on and gave Deceit a pointed looked, Deceit huffed and finally decided to move and put his own shirt on.</p><p>Standing up, Roman directed his attention to the three still in the doorway. <br/>“So… Do we have to talk about this? Can we just forget it?”</p><p>Virgil’s smile only grew and he crossed his arms, smirking. <br/>“This is going to be great blackmail material. Especially since Thomas doesn’t know… yet.”<br/>Roman gasped.<br/>“You wouldn’t dare!”<br/>Virgil chuckled.</p><p>A smirk appeared on Logan’s face.<br/>“I must agreed with the blackmail part as after what Roman saw and threatened a few weeks ago, this is going to prove most helpful in keeping him quiet.”</p><p>“Wait, what did he see?” Virgil asked. Everyone ignored his question as Roman couldn’t risk saying anything now and Logan certainly didn’t want to mention.</p><p>“This is… this… it’s unfair,” Roman pouted. <br/>The rest of them laughed, including Deceit, who shrugged non-chanantly.</p><p>“You shouldn’t have let them follow you.”<br/>“You should have locked the door!”<br/>“Whoops.”</p><p>Roman gaped, his face going redder than it ever had from the embarrassment and how calm Deceit was able to act.</p><p>“Aww!” Patton suddenly exclaimed, catching everyone’s attention. “I didn’t see it before but you two really are so cute together!”</p><p>Roman saw Virgil raise his eyebrow and Logan turned to Patton with a confused look.<br/>“Patton, you do realise that what they were going to do had we not interrupted would not have been ‘cute’.”</p><p>“Logan!” Virgil smacked Logan’s arms, pulling Patton close and covering his ears. “He’s too innocent!”</p><p>Shaking Virgil off, Patton laughed.<br/>“Don’t be silly Virgil, I’m not that innocent. And LoLo,” Patton turned his attention to Logan with a mischievous grin on his face, “we’re cute together but we’re not the most innocent either.”</p><p>Logan’s face immediately turned red and everyone laughed, distracted from Deceit and Roman by the comment. Logan just folded his arms and looked at the ground.<br/>“At least you ruined Roman’s blackmail material,” he grumbled, and Roman frowned, realising that it was true as now the fact he caught Logan and Patton kissing isn’t very useful. Roman suddenly startled when Deceit spoke for the first time in the entire conversation.</p><p>“I am suddenly intrigued.”</p><p>“Dee you terrified me! I forgot you were there.”</p><p>“Being forgotten? Isn’t that Virgil’s job?”</p><p>Virgil hissed.<br/>“Watch it, Snake Face.”</p><p>Chuckling, Deceit stood up, stretching his limbs and not saying anything else.</p><p>“So!” Patton clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. “How about we go watch some more movies and forget about this for now?”</p><p>After a bit of discussion on who wanted to watch movies or not and if Deceit could join or not, they decided he could and that he could even choose the first movie. Logan and Virgil were hesitant to let Deceit join, but Patton and Roman sided with him so it was 3 against 2. <br/>As the night went on, Roman couldn’t help but wait for the next moment he got alone with Deceit. A movie night with everyone was fun and all, but sometimes it wasn’t enough.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Roman X Logan</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Roman is a massive bottom hehe.</p><p>Warnings: Making out, kissing, and sexual talk. I chickened out just as it would have turned into smut so don't worry.</p>
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    <p>Roman's POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>Roman was just sitting down on the sofa, pencil in hand, doing what he normally did whenever the others were all busy- drawing. He didn't draw too often as there was rarely a time when all the others were busy. It would mean that both Patton and Virgil - Logan was always busy and Roman never interacted with Janus or Remus - would have to be off doing their own things. Most of the times where everyone is busy are times when Thomas and the others are working on a video, but Roman normally has stuff to do during those times. Today, however, was one of those rare days where he had nothing to do, and he couldn't talk to anyone else, so he was able to draw. He was working on a drawing of a new dragon design that he wanted to try and create in the Imagination at some point, giving the drawing details and shading. When drawing, it's always about the only time besides sleeping that he is quiet and focused; he even has a habit of talking or singing when he's working on ideas for videos. </p><p>After a few minutes of staring intensely at the page and wondering what he should add to the drawing, Roman huffed in annoyance, and put the pencil down to take a break. He looked over the drawing, feeling pleased with what he'd drawn so far. Roman then turned the pages of the sketchbook, looking through all the other drawings in it. Most were creative ideas he'd had to try in the Imagination: Dragons, mythical creatures, the odd suggestion or idea from the other Sides. He was about halfway through the sketchbook when he paused on a page, feeling his cheeks warm slightly as he smiled. It was a drawing he'd done of Logan. Of course, he had drawings of Patton and Virgil before that page as well - even Janus was in there - but something about the drawing of Logan he'd done always caught him off guard. Was it the way Roman managed to capture the glint in his eyes whenever he was talking about something he found interesting, of just the fact it was Logan in general?</p><p>   "Is that a drawing of me?" A voice speaks from directly in front of Roman. </p><p>Roman instantly froze and snapped the book shut, hyper aware of the heat on his cheeks as he looked up to spot Logan. An amused and slightly curious expression rested on Logans face. Barely managing to collect himself, Roman responded. </p><p>   "Ah yes, indeed! I drew all of you! Well, besides my brother of course as I wasn't interested in drawing him but all the rest of you."<br/>Instinctively, Roman turns the pages to breifly show Logan the other drawings before shutting the book again. "See? All of you!" He reaffirmed. His desperate upbeat attitude faltered slightly as Logan continued to look Roman over with an amused expression. Roman put the book down next to him and stood up in front of Logan.</p><p>   "What do you want?" He asked, hesitantly. A nervous feeling washed over him for no apparent reason.</p><p>Logan just shrugged, crossed his arms, and smirked lightly. <br/>   "Oh, nothing particular. I have come to the conclusion as to why I have noticed a change in the way you've been acting recently. Particularly around me, as well, not the others."</p><p>   "W-what?" Roman stuttered, his face flushing as he instantly realised that Logan had caught onto him. He tried to say more and put on his usual appearance but failed. </p><p>   "Yes," Logan continued, stepping forward ever so slowly until Roman had his legs pressed up against the sofa. "I have been taking note of the way you have been acting. How you were more likely to stumble over your words around me alone, how you seemed to try and avoid  me at the same time as trying to be near me, and how your eyesight was always fixating upon me as if you were, as people say, 'checking me out'." </p><p>Roman chuckled nervously. Curse him for having the hots for the Side that notices every little detail. Opening his mouth, Roman was about to respond when he lost his balance against the couch and fell backwards, essentially sitting down again. His face went even redder when Logan moved forward and sat down on Roman's lap, his legs on either side of Roman's thighs. Roman was silent in shock as Logan grabbed his wrists. Logan brought Roman's hands up, pressing them against the wall above Roman's head behind the couch. </p><p>   "L-Logan? W-what are you doing...?" Roman's voice was shaky as he struggled to keep calm over how Logan was literally sitting on his lap. </p><p>   "I believe you're smart enough to know what I'm doing, Roman," Logan smiled in a way Roman had never seen him smile before. He looked both pleased and amused at how Roman was acting. A very quick thoughtful look appeared on Logan's face as he added, "tell me to stop whenever you would like to stop and I will," before waiting. Roman nodded in understanding, and was suddenly thrown off guard by Logan moving forward and catching him in a deep kiss. He kissed back, body pressing against Logan's as a wave of pleasure ran through his body. Desperation filled him and he made the kiss deeper, letting Logan take control and enter his mouth with his tongue. Logan eventually moved back slightly and Roman had time to catch his shaky breath. </p><p>   "H-how... how did you know what to do...?" Roman asked, his voice soft and out of breath. </p><p>Logan shrugged. <br/>   "A shit ton of research and reading that I managed to fit into my schedule around work. Did you enjoy that?" He smirked. </p><p>   "Yes, I did."</p><p>Looking pleased with the response, Logan closed his eyes, and transported the two of them to his room. The place was neat and tidy with mostly blacks and dark blues - not Roman's style but still aesthetic to look at - and the bed was a pretty big size as well. Roman felt his cheeks heat up and eyes widen as he realised that Logan wanted to go even further. Logan was about to speak, a questioning look on his face, but Roman interrupted quickly.</p><p>   "Yes! Yes, I'm okay with this and want this... definitely."</p><p>   "A little desperate now, Roman?" Logan bent down - hands still firmly on Roman's wrists - and began sucking a spot on Roman's neck. Letting out a little gasp, Roman felt his breath get quicker as the waves of pleasure increased. Logan then sat up and began removing his shirt and tie, chuckling and the desperate look Roman knew he had in his eyes. Giving no time for Roman to admire Logan's bare chest, Logan helped take off Roman's shirt next, before moving down again and beginning to kiss down his neck and to his chest. He threw back his head against the pillow when Logan started sucking harder at another spot. The mixture of pain and pleasure melded into one amazing feeling. Roman's gasps turned into quiet, soft moans as Logan continued this down, and moved his hands from Roman's wrists to his waist and then hips. </p><p>   "Are you enjoying this?" Logan stopped to ask, though the look on his face suggested he knew just how well he was doing at making Roman feel good. </p><p>   "Yes, definitely," Roman breathed. </p><p>   "May I...?" Logan trailed off, eyes hungrily drifting to Roman's pants. Roman agreed - again with a desperate tone that made Logan smirk - and Logan proceeded to help pull Roman's pants and then boxers off, leaving him completely naked. </p><p>But suddenly, the door opened, followed by a very loud gasp. Roman and Logan both turned around to see Patton and Virgil standing at the door. Virgil was covering his and Patton’s eyes with both of his hands. </p><p>   “Well.. we were just coming to ask if you knew where Roman was but guess we figured that out,” Virgil spoke, before hurriedly pulling Patton from the doorway and shutting the door. Logan and Roman were left alone with very flustered faces, before the two of them got back to what they were doing without any further description because this author is a pussy and is chickening out on writing actual smut.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Patton X Virgil</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An argument leads to a fatal mistake.</p>
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    <p>TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!: Car crash, blood, angst, sadness, death, suicide, any more if you think I need to add any! <br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>Patton’s POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>   “We just aren’t ready for that right now, Patton!”</p><p>We’re arguing. Again. I don’t like arguing. We’ve been arguing about adopting a kid for a while now. Virgil agrees that he would like a kid, but doesn’t think we’re ready. I think we are ready to adopt. We both have stable jobs — me, a preschool teacher, him, a professional photographer — and we both want kids. This is just a topic that brings up Virgil’s anxiety… a lot. </p><p>   “It’ll be alright Virgil,” I respond, smiling but with a probable evident tone of frustration in my voice that I can hear, “we are ready. Nothing is going to go wrong. I keep saying this! And if something does, we’ll work around it.” </p><p>Virgil huffs, looking over at me before quickly turning back to the road. We’re travelling on an open road from a trip. Barely any cars around. </p><p>   “Yeah we might seem ready, but it’s a big commitment! You can’t just give a child back if you give up. And we keep arguing about it too which is never a good sign.” Worry rests on his face, amidst the agitation and anger. I feel bad that I keep pushing for this, but I know we’re ready and can adopt now. I know! </p><p>   “We won’t need to give a child back because we will keep it and love it! Yes it’s a big commitment, but so was getting married and we did that alright!”</p><p>   “That’s different,” Virgil argues. “Getting married is much— shit!” He quickly turns the wheel after drifting to the other lane slightly and finally spots a close car that doesn’t have it’s headlights on. “Fucking car with it’s headlights on in the dark. It’s midnight. They should know better. Fucking dangerous. Anyways,” he continues ignoring my look from all the swearing, “Getting married is so much different to adopting a kid. Adopting a kid means you have another life in your hands, you have to look after it and care for it and make sure it stays safe and just… yeah. What if we raise the kid wrong? What if something happens to it? What if we’re bad parents? What—” </p><p>   “Virgil,” I place my hand on Virgil’s arm, stopping him mid sentence. “It will be alright,” I try to assure, “and none of that will happen. We will be raising the kid and will know what to do, We will make sure nothing happens to it, and we will be amazing parents together.”</p><p>Virgil sighs, biting his lip in thought as he silently looks at the road. Analysing Virgil’s face that seems to be swaying towards agreeing, I think, ‘is he going to agree with me finally? After arguing many times? Will we finally get a kid?’ </p><p>But of course, like every other time, no good comes from the argument. Virgil turns away from the road for a second to look at me, a stern look on his previously anxious face. </p><p>   “I don’t think we should get kids yet. We should wait. At least another year. That will always be my final decision until then.” </p><p>   “But—”</p><p>   “I said no, Patton. Please. Please respect that.”</p><p>I sigh in defeat. Then I realise that Virgil is still looking at me to see what I say, and go to speak before looking at the road that Virgil should be watching. </p><p>A shadow seems to be coming forward fast. It’s dark so it’s hard to see. At first I think there is just a deer or animal on the road. But it’s large. Wait. Wait. Oh no. We’re on the wrong lane. Oh NO.   </p><p>   “Virgil!” Shouting in panic, I point at the road ahead. Virgil turns but isn’t quick enough.</p><p>Crash. </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>Virgil’s POV<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>My ears are ringing and pain shoots through my body like a million needles sticking through my skin with every small movement. One leg is stuck, my head is bent down, and through the blurry haze of red that I can only guess is blood distorting my vision I can see glass and blood covering my left arm and side. Noises of screaming — probably from the other car — and a bright light that could either be fire or flashlights are making it difficult to focus my mind, but I struggle and manage to put all my attention on the one thing I cares about— Patton. </p><p>   “P— Patton…” I gasp, looking to my side. I wipe my eyes to see better, stifling a sob when I realise Patton isn’t moving. A dangerous amount of blood pours from a wound on the front of Patton’s head, way more than I can imagine is dripping from my own. Attempting to move closer to Patton, I shift my arm forward, screaming in pain when pure agony floods through, feeling like hot lava being poured down from my shoulder. Tears pour from my eyes but I let sobs take over from the screams and get closer to Patton. </p><p>   “No no no…” I mumble, coughing slightly from blood I can taste in my mouth. Reaching a shaky hand out, I carefully checks my husband's pulse, fear running through my veins when I can’t find one and that Patton isn’t breathing. “Please please wake up!” </p><p>I try everything— CPR, covering the massive wound on Patton’s head, screaming for help to no avail despite the entire front windscreen being gone. By the time I can hear people and the ambulance arrive and start to help the other car — who were probably too worried with themselves to try and help which I can understand — my voice is hoarse from screaming. Blood is still pouring from Patton’s lifeless head — though I refuse to believe he’s really… gone. </p><p>   “Pl… please… Patton. We… we can adopt a kid. As many as you want! And care for them and love them and be the best parents… Just please wake up… I love you… I’m sorry I should have paid attention… I’m sorry, my love. Please come back…” </p><p>Silence.</p><p>The moment breaks when the paramedics arrive and open both the doors to help them. I scream and writhe as they try to help, both from the overwhelming agony still coursing through my body and the even worse pain of knowing that Patton is dead and being moved out of the car away from me. </p><p>My eyes flicker back and forth as I try to move away and go to Patton, the constant voices trying to calm me down doing nothing but making me more panicked as I am pulled away from my dead husband. Dead.</p><p>Eventually the sounds and pain and grief are enough that I  close my eyes and stop fighting, wishing all the agony to go away, and drifts off into unconsciousness. </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>My eyes flutter open. At first, all is well. Hazy eyes look around a blindingly white room, dark spots for people the only thing standing out. There are two figures. I don’t know who they are at first. My mind is foggy too, confusion and pain mixing to form a blanketing cloud over my thoughts as I start to properly wake up again. </p><p>   “Hey, Virgil… you’re awake,” a voice says. Who is it? I try to focus my gaze but am hit with a wave of pain and groan, closing my eyes again.</p><p>   “It’s alright, take your time. That was a pretty bad crash.” </p><p>A different voice, and a hand on my shoulder. A nice touch, relieving from the pain clouding my mind. But… a crash? What crash…? Oh…</p><p>Memories flood back. Instantly I’m hit with a tsunami of memories of the crash— the conversation I’d had right before the crash, the shock right as it happened, the pain, desperately trying to get Patton to wake up… Patton… dead…</p><p>   “Patton…” I whisper, voice hoarse, as hot tears start flowing from my eyes and cancelling any attempts to stop my vision being blurry. Arms wrap around me — two pairs, one confident and comforting and the other more hesitant but still with thought — as sobs begin to wrack my body, leaving me shaking. My limbs feel weak and my whole body is sore but that doesn’t matter. My husband is dead. Patton is dead. Dead. All because of me. </p><p>Dead means no returning. Dead means no agreeing to adopt a kid in a year's time. Dead means no more waking up next to the love of your life in the mornings, cuddling with your husband when you’re feeling anxious, baking cookies with him, going on walks with him, arriving home from work to binge watch Netflix together, taking photos of him as photography practice and admiring his constant radiating joy. </p><p>Dead means Patton is gone forever. </p><p>And it’s all my fault. It is. I’m the one that got into an argument in the first place, I’m the one that was hesitant, I’m the one that should have paid attention to the road. I’m the one that let myself get distracted. It’s my fault… Oh gods. Patton is… dead… but what about the other car? My stomach feels twisted at the thought. I could have caused the death of multiple or at least severe harm. I bring my hand to my mouth as I feel like vomiting. I don’t, but the action must have been noticed by the two figures embracing me as one of them asks,</p><p>   “Are you alright, Virge?” </p><p>   “I… I don’t… no. No.” I barely managed to force out. Wiping my eyes again and my nose with my hands and stifling the sobs that had been wracking my body, I finally get a good look at the two other people in the room. It’s Roman and Logan— two friends of mine and… Patton. They had both gotten married about two years before us and the four of us have been friends since highschool. Logan had been the stereotypical know-it-all nerd and Roman was the most impressive drama student alongside being one of the jocks (though he certainly never acted as mean or dumb as television potrayals of jocks). </p><p>The two of them give me empathetic looks, appearing unsure as to what to say to help. If Patton were here he would know exactly how to help someone. He is— was, always good with emotions and feelings. Was. I’m already starting to hate that word. </p><p>   “What… what happened to the… the other c-car? Who was in it and… and did they…. Survive?” I swallow in fear. </p><p>Logan and Roman share a look and that’s all I need to know that it’s bad. Silence continues to stick with me as I wait for a response is absolute anxiety and terror.</p><p>   “Well,” Logan starts, after being nudged by Roman to speak, “the car had five people: Two parents and three kids.”</p><p>Oh fuck it was a family. What have I done?</p><p>   “The…” Logan looks down, “the parents both died and so did one of the kids. Only two, an 8-year-old and a 14-year-old survived. They still have living relatives left so they will go live with them. You may be charged with vehicular manslaughter seeing as you are normally a good driver so I suspect you took your eyes off the road which could be considered ‘negligent driving’. However, the 14-year-old has already admitted that their parents hadn’t gotten their headlights fixed and therefore they weren’t turned on which is, alongside the fact it had been raining prior to the accident, a factor that could help you in—”</p><p>   “I killed them.”</p><p>   “Virgil—” Logan tries to speak. Roman stays silent, a look of sorrow and empathy on his face.</p><p>   “I killed them. I killed two innocent parents and a child. And knowing car crashes, I injured two other kids. It’s bad enough that I could be charged with vehicular manslaughter! Manslaughter Logan! I was a fucking idiot and stopped paying attention to the road and people are dead because of it. I don’t care about being charged —  throw me in prison for all I care! — and though I am happy two kids survived, that doesn’t bring back the other one and their parents. It doesn’t stop the fact I fucking k-killed my husband!” By the time I stopped yelling, tears were freely pouring down onto my cheeks. </p><p>   “I apologise.” Logan looks at me with genuine sadness and I’m instantly guilty for yelling at him. Everything is always my fault.</p><p>   “He’s dead.” I state simply. “I killed him.”</p><p>   “It wasn’t your fault,” Roman says softly.</p><p>   “Yes it was.” I sniff and wipe my eyes and nose again, only just realising I’m in a hospital gown, not the hoodie and jeans I had been wearing in the crash. “I’m the one that was arguing and lost attention. It’s my fault.”</p><p>   “What… what were you arguing about?” Roman hesitantly asks.</p><p>I look away, guilt overwhelming my mind at how we were arguing and now Patton never gets to have a kid. Never gets to do or have anything. “We were arguing about adopting a kid… again. Patton really wants— wanted one, and I kept feeling too anxious and saying no. I got angry at him. I turned to look at him after finishing a sentence and seeing if he’d respond and… and.. That’s when it happened. The crash. He looked away from me towards the road.”</p><p>   “Oh,” Roman says.</p><p>   “Now he’ll never get a chance to adopt a kid.”</p><p>Neither Roman nor Logan know what to say. So it stays silent as they try to be comforting and I bath in my own self hate and painful guilt. </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>I enter my house. It’s quiet. Of course. I’m so used to walking in and being greeted at the door by the friendly face of my husband that the silence is eerie. </p><p>But I won’t need to be in the silence for long.</p><p>I make the trek into the house and upstairs slowly, being careful not to cause any pain to my side and arm. But then, I deserve it, and it won’t matter much longer anyways, so why stop the pain if that’s exactly what I’m going to be doing regardless. Just more… permanent. </p><p>I’d always had trouble with these kinds of thoughts and desires for certain… actions. I made an attempt just after highschool before I got with Patton. He found me, of course, he always found me when I needed help. </p><p>Now, I have no one. Sure, I have Roman and Logan, but that’s it. Do I have any remaining family? No, besides my asshole homophobic parents. And other friends? No. Any friendly co-workers? I run my own personal business so no. Do I have my world, my loving husband, the only person I would risk my entire life for? No, because he’s dead all because of me. </p><p>I reach our room. Keeping my head low to avoid looking at all of the photos and Patton’s stuff that bring back memories, I shakily open up the bedside table drawer on my side of the bed and grab a random piece of paper and a pen. </p><p>Ironically enough, the piece of paper is my old suicide note from when I was 19. I kept it to remind myself that I would never need it again but that I shouldn’t forget about what I was feeling back then and shouldn’t repress those memories… partially a therapist's idea. I start writing a quick note, apologising to Roman and Patton — the last people alive to care about me — and the two kids whose parents and sibling I accidentally killed — but killed nonetheless — in the crash. </p><p>Finishing the quick note, I firmly clasp it in my hand as I slowly make my way to the bathroom, finally letting my eyes drift over the room full of memories. </p><p>I’ve never been a religious person. I’ve never believed in God or any kind of force at all. But now? Now that idea that there could be some kind of afterlife is like a small spark in my head of hopelessness and sorrow. An afterlife means maybe seeing Patton again. And if there isn’t, then still, anything is better than here in life. </p><p>The last stop I make before the bathroom, is to look at the will I had officially changed and written. I had to change from gifting everything to Patton, to gifting everything to Logan and Roman. I have no relatives, no other friends, no kids, no parents, so everything goes to them. </p><p>Once I’m satisfied, I complete my last journey, ending up in the bathroom. My hands are still shaky —  my whole body is shaking — but I take a deep breath, reaching up into the cupboard and grabbing a full bottle of pills. I had searched prior to this — ignoring any ‘lifelines’ and websites like such that popped up with results — and made sure I had enough to do what I wanted. I don’t want a repeat of years ago when I didn’t get enough and someone managed to find me in time. </p><p>Closing my eyes, I prepare myself, and quickly make my way through the whole bottle. </p><p>It doesn’t take too long.</p><p>I fall to the ground, still keeping a hold on the note.</p><p>The pain starts to fade. </p><p>The good memories of all my time with Patton and the bad memories of him dying start to fade. </p><p>I can feel my breath slowing. </p><p>I stop. </p><p>Stop breathing.</p><p>Goodbye.</p>
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